I feel like we all need a little pick-me-up?
I’ve been cackling all morning like the witch I am over this interview with Nicholas Sparks in USAToday? It starts off amazing:
Nicholas Sparks has no love for people who call his stories “romances.”The mega-best-selling author of The Notebook, A Walk to Remember, Nights in Rodanthe, Dear John and Message in a Bottle stands in the aisle of Book Soup, literally and figuratively defending his turf.
“If you look for me, I’m in the fiction section. Romance has its own section,” he says toward the end of a long conversation. Sunshine streams in from Sunset Boulevard. He’s smiling. Hard.
“I don’t write romance novels.” His preferred terminology: “Love stories — it’s a very different genre. I would be rejected if I submitted any of my novels as romance novels.”
It only gets better. The man is a parody of himself. Enjoy!
Wow. That is…even worse-better thought it would be.
Romances are what GIRLS write. He writes MANLY, MANLY fiction!
And his parsing of drama and melodrama is making me choke with laughter. He is the inheritor of Sophocles! There is a direct line between Antigone and The Notebook!
::hoots, pounds the table::
I also enjoy this:
Also his critique of Cormac McCarthy…
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Yeah, you go ahead and tell yourself whatever you need to tell yourself, Nicholas Sparks.
(BTW, Ernest Hemingway would kick your ass into next week if you compared Farewell to Arms with The Notebook in his presence.)
For real, Sparks? Let me tell you, as a former bookseller, the only think that differentiates you from the straight-up bodice busters is death and a better agent.
Man, what a lot of hubris! “That’s why I dominate this particular genre”!! Which one would that be-melodrama with literary pretentions? Just because you’re in the fiction section-along with the Shopaholic books, btw-doesn’t mean you write literary fiction, pal, no matter how many Hollywood deals you get.
It’s hilarious hubris though.
@MM: I would love to go into a bookstore that had a “Pretentious Asshat” section. Think of the possibilities!
Wowwwww, this dude is really into himself. I must say I never got the appeal.
On a similar note, I offer the following: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/remember-me-this-whole-review-is-one-huge-spoiler/Content?oid=3605160
Btw, notice that if a guy writes it, it’s fiction, and if a woman writes it, it’s romance. Gag.
I’m sure Cormac McCarthy,Pulitzer Prize winner, winner of the National Book award and winner of the National Book Critics Circle award, is humbled by the massive ego-sorry, I mean talent, of Nicholas Sparks.
When I was a publishing peon, I frequently had to read novels by aspiring authors that were all Plot, exposition, characters, plot, SEX SCENE, plot, plot, exposition, FLASHBACK TO SEX SCENE. And this was fiction. So essentially, Mr. Sparks doesn’t have an overdramatic leg to stand on.
I’ma say that any story where the only available subplot is the physical condition of a big ol’ house = love story.
I once way back in the mists of time when I worked for a local UK paper had to interview Nicholas Sparks and he’s actually batshit crazy, no seriously. It was the most bonkers interview I’ve ever conducted but the one thing I really remember is that nothing, no nothing, can dent the man’s self-esteem.
So, if a man writes it, it’s literary fiction? Please. Most romance novels I’ve read recently (my best friend, a romance novelist, curates the list for me) are smart, funny and self-aware. They are far more deserving of readers and praise than anything Mr. Sparks has written recently.
Vomit.
I think the Hemingway line is my favorite. I’m no huge fan Hemingway, but I think we can all agree he occupies a SLIGHTLY different rung of the ladder when compared with Nicholas Effing Sparks, no? Wow.
@Meg: I’ve actually found that something I call the Hemingway Jackass Barometer is fairly accurate – any dude I know who’s an aspiring writer who claims any kind of link to Hemingway tends to be a total asshat. Just like Mr. Sparks!
Also, you guys, can I just say that I’m super put off by the general asshattery (sp?) in the contemporary writing community? I mean, I am (like every blogger on earth) an aspiring writer. So I spent some time in the blogosphere trying to find useful tips and advice about how others were going about getting published. But you know what I mostly found? Clones of Mr. Sparks – people with a complete lack of self-awareness and egos the size of Greenland.
Am I missing something here? Where’s the writing advice from nice, normal people who just happen to write books? Or is massive ego and self-assuredness par for the course these days?
@QueenGeorge: Maybe you’ve already checked these out, but I recommend Anne Lamotte’s Bird by Bird . Maeve Binchy (who’s not the greatest literary mind but is a solid, professional, super-successful novelist) also has a book about writing for aspiring writers called The Maeve Binchy Writer’s Club –it’s very readable, helpful and encouraging. And definitely check out Stephen King’s brilliant On Writing . Those are good places to start if you’re looking for info on writing fiction/memoir and getting published.
@Becky: Thanks! I love Lamotte’s fiction, but I had no idea about Bird by Bird. I admit I hesitated about the King book, mostly because he’s often held up by those same internet writer dudez that make me cringe – the ones who compare themselves to Hemingway. But I probably shouldn’t hold that against him
Seconding the awesomeness of Bird by Bird. Lynda Barry’s What It Is is good for getting the juices flowing, too.
@QueenGeorge: I know, I think King gets a bad rap because some people–esp. literary snobs–think he’s still just a horror writer whose fan base is internet dudez living in their mom’s basement playing World of Warfare. But he’s an excellent writer and really knows and lives his craft (interestingly, his wife and son are also accomplished writers). Definitely check out his book. He has a good sense of humor about writing, as does Anne Lamotte (and Lamotte is laugh-out-loud funny).
@Queen George – How Not To Write A Novel by Sandra Newman and Howard Mittlemark is the single funniest writer’s tool i’ve ever read. The only word of caution is that after reading it you keep spotting the stuff they send up everywhere.
Also the Guardian recently had a nice magazine piece based around Elmore Leonard’s 10 Rules of Writing where various writers gave advice, some more helpfully than others. The link is here:http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2010/feb/20/ten-rules-for-writing-fiction-part-one
and you can click on part two when you go there.
Plus in 2008 they dedicated a whole guide to this subject, link here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/series/howtowrite
Sparks wishes he wrote romances.
He writes crap. Poo. Excrement. He aspires to write romances.
Even Fabio won’t stoop to be on his covers. He’s “straight to paperback” territory.
I couldn’t stop.
Emilyanne, that’s a story I would love to hear!
I couldn’t bear to read the whole thing, but I skimmed, and WOW, what an ass. I had never read anything by him and didn’t even see the Notebook movie, so didn’t have much of an opinion on him, but that’s put me right off all of it.
Also, this quote: ‘See, they’re recommending The Garden of Eden, and I read that…’ indicates to me that he doesn’t read all that much (otherwise you wouldn’t have to point it out like that). Which makes sense, because if he knew what he was talking about, he would know better to compare himself to Shakespeare.
Thanks, everybody, for all the great advice. I should’ve turned to my feminist blog buddies a long time ago. I ought to have known they’d point me in an appropriate direction.
Now I guess the goal is – if I ever DO get around to seeking out agents and such – to avoid becoming an asshat myself.
I love how he says that no one else is writing in his genre (I guess because Hemingway’s dead?)!
Queen George, I have another recommendation: Reading Like a Writer, by Francine Prose. I think it’s the best book on writing I’ve ever read!
I am seriously looking forward to more articles under the bwahahahaha tag, because this article was seriously lulz-y. I’m sitting in the library at my school and i had to bite my lip more than once to stop from laughing embarrassingly loudly.
@BeckySharper World of WarCRAFT, not World of Warfare!
Also, I second the idea of a Hemingway Asshattery Meter. I have seriously never been that into the dude’s writing.
I write romances.
Sparks is right. His stuff would get rejected by the romance market. Needs more sex. Needs a happy ending. He writes love stories, not romances. He’s boring.
With a romance, you’re assured of a happy (at least for now) ending. And in gay romance, it’s still transgressive to let them both live, let alone happily ever after/for now.
[...] Me: muahahahahaha Me: srsly? Me: does that really exist? Kimberlyloc: yeah! it looks bad Me: dude Nicholas Sparks is the commercial equivalent of the Nice Guy ™ Me: and Josh Groban Kimberlyloc: hehe Me: [...]
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