Trolly-troll was hoppin’ mad about Queen_George’s guest post about creepy greeting cards for pregnant women. He loves the shit out of those cards. And he wants to Mansplain to us bitches how we’re all wrong about them! Because we’re stupid! And you know who else is wrong and stupid? William Shakespeare!
I’m afraid I had to deconstruct this one, y’all. It was just that ridonkulous. Check it out, after the jump.
I think every female on this blog is out of their mind.
Every single one, huh? Right away we get a giant red flag: “female”
Maybe not all, but the ones that aren’t, are either raging feminists or women that would abort a child while pushing it out if they could!
Raging feminist? Perhaps. But I’m not a procrastinator, so if I were going to abort a child, I’d do it long before I was pushing it out.
What is wrong with a card line from the unborn child? I think it’s brilliant! Give me a beak! [sic] Pregnancy (regardless if its your 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 20th) is suppose to be an unbelievably happy experience. An experience not only for the women, but also for the men!
Watch me co-opt your experience, ladies! It’s all about meeeeeeee!
I don’t know about other fathers-to-be, but I have absolutely NO IDEA what to do for my pregnant wife.
You could just ask her, you know.
Sure I could do the dishes or take out the trash to make her life that much easier.
Yes! You could! But did you?
But why not get her a card that makes her feel as though she is talking to her soon-to-be son or daughter?
Guess not. Trust me, dude, she’d probably rather you do the dishes or take out the trash.
It may not make every woman happy. Some (and they all seem to be on this blog) may not enjoy the thought of their wonderful bun-in-the-oven talking to them.
You realize that “wonderful buns in the oven” can’t actually talk, right?
There is something in sales and marketing that all companies go by. “Go for the masses and to hell with the asses.” My two uncles taught me that.
O RLY? Which category did they fall into?
I think its great that a man would try and change the mood of his pregnant wife by writing poetry. As for the poetry – he may not be shakespeare, but everyone can understand it. Tell me that you actually stayed awake during Romeo and Juliet in the 8th grade – I didn’t, but from what I know now, only Ph.D students can decipher the real meaning.
It’s true. PhDork regularly taunts us with her Shakespeare-deciphering powers. Of course, she has to shake us awake to do it.
Mr. Franklin, I think that you have begun creating an empire. You are capturing the hearts of men and women (that are actually celebrating their future child – not hoping they don’t miscarry) all over America.
Why do I suspect this troll might actually work for Franklin and AFI? His e-mail handle is “afi_crazy_fan”, which is either fake, a marketing shill-address, or the dude has drunk some freaky greeting-card Kool-Aid.
At any rate, thanks for the…uh…insight, pal. I feel enlightened. And may I say that I think your wife is a lucky, lucky woman.