My father, brother and boyfriend fit into the stereotypical male role of just being completely clueless about their own health care. I’m pretty sure it’s been a decade since my father has even had his last physical!

Anyway, now that I’m more aware of this, I’m going to try not to do what my mother did by just assuming total responsibility for everyone’s health care (meaning, letting my dad completely off the hook) and help my boyfriend be more aware of how he can help his own self.

The men in my family seem relatively clueless when it comes to taking care of my own health. I will say that my Dad was involved with taking us to the doctor, giving us medicine and all that. He worked and my mom was a SAHM, so she did more by default, but he was totally involved. He just can’t manage to get his own butt to the doctor when he needs it.

Your dad being unable to cook, presumably. Or, as you mention, order something healthy at a restaurant. Sheesh.

Totally hear your point about the “nagging.” There’s a local effort in NYC called “Take Your Man to the Doctor” day, that’s aimed at boosting rates of prostate cancer screening among black and Latino men. But to do that, public health officials dump the responsibility on the women—as though their man was a little boy.

Of course, the only reason this kind of initiative exists is because the data indicate that dumping the responsibility on women is the most effective strategy for dealing with men’s health issues.

While he does call and make his own appointments, it’s only after much persuasion by my mom (I suppose it’s “nagging” to remind your husband to go to the doctor so he doesn’t have a damn heart attack or lose a limb to diabetes). She’s also the person who drives him to a procedure, waits for him, drives him home, etc. And she gets completely stressed out every time he has a new medical problem – possibly more than she does when she has a problem herself. I can see that the past year has taken a toll on both of them – him from actually undergoing various procedures, and her from overseeing and keeping up with everything.

Never mind that my brother blames my mom’s lack of enjoyment when it comes to cooking for my dad’s heart problems (he stated that they eat out too much because my mom doesn’t really like to cook, and if she cooked more then my dad would be healthier). It all comes back to women, somehow – even when it’s about the personal decisions men make about what to eat (the same restaurant that has a bacon cheeseburger probably also has grilled chicken and veggies).

But statistically, the “marriage benefit” is significantly greater for married men than for married women:

Married men live, on average, 10 years longer than nonmarried men, and married women live about four years longer than nonmarried women. Married men live longer because they adopt less risky, more healthy lifestyles as a result of the commitment brought on by marriage, and married women live longer due to improved financial well-being as a result of marriage.

Link: http://chronicle.uchicago.edu/950928/waite.sidebar.shtml