Yesterday I got an e-mail from DaddySharper with a note saying “This is worth a Harpyness post.” It linked to a Washington Post article entitled: ‘Code Red’: iPhone/iPad app for men who need to track women’s menstrual cycles.
Yes, you read that right. There’s now an iPhone/iPad app that will allow your manpanion to enter the first day of your last couple periods, and it will tell him—as if by magic!—when your next period will occur. Except there’s nothing remotely magical or mysterious about menstrual cycles. As I told my dad, this app assumes men are really stupid. It’s the same week each month, fellas—unless her periods are irregular, in which case the app ain’t going to work anyway. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure it out.
The Post‘s Monica Hesse writes:
It keeps track of periods. It keeps track of them for men. It is, in fact, strong enough for a woman but made for the men who love them, or at least want to monitor their bodies the way that creep-o just might on “Law & Order: SVU” before Detective Benson punched him in the head. Just sayin’.
But once you get into the details of these apps, the eye-rolling really starts!
Inevitably, since we’re talking about men and periods, we’re guaranteed a certain amount of dismal, juvenile HUR HUR she’s on the rag! jokery. Code Red is only one of the many menstruation apps out there, and it sounds like it’s one of the classier ones:
A tour of recent technological creations shows that menstruation apps for men are a booming market. “PMSBuddy,” for example, is proudly “saving relationships, one month at a time.” “PMS Meter” features “hilarious sound effects.” And the infamous “IAmAMan,” which is nothing if not unapologetic, allows users to track the menstrual cycles of several women at once, for those special times when you are a big cheater.
Well, that’s just swell. Better living through programming!
I think that menstrual apps indicate a strange lack of communication in relationships. If your partner wants to know when your period is…why not just ask? Says the husband-wife programming team who created of Code Red:
“It’s funny in a sense,” Kevin says. “But also really helpful.”
“I don’t even think it’s funny; I just thought it was necessary,” Lisi says. “Kevin and I have been together for 15 years . . . and Kevin acts blindsided every month. It makes me want to scratch his eyes out.”
Wow. I’m…uh…glad I’m not married to either one of them.
I’m not quite sure how I’d respond if my boyfriend or husband wanted to track my cycle on his iPhone. Menstruation never been an issue in any relationship I’ve had; I don’t get PMS and I’ve never been with a man who wanted to avoid sex during my period. If we were trying to conceive or there was some medical reason for him to know—or even if he were just plain curious—I’d hope he’d simply talk about it with me. Then again, they haven’t yet come up with an app that will compel honest, open communication, which is truly unfortunate.