You know what you feel like on the pill; you know what you feel like off the pill. You can make your own educated decision and know that you exercised your right to choose what you put in your own body.

I haven’t read all the posts here so forgive me if I’m repeating anything. Did you have your iron levels checked? were you by any chance anemic?

After a terrible 6 months of uncontrolled bleeding due to fibroids, I chose a hysterectomy (kept my ovaries) and left the hospital with the feeling you described above. I remember saying “my mom and sister are coming over?! who the fuck invited them?!” (I have a great mom and sister so this WAS an unusual response) I couldn’t sit still, was agitated and irrational. Two days of treatment for severe anemia and I started to feel normal again… if your periods are heavier because you’re off bc, it may be anemia and not just hormones.

When you go off hormones, your body’s own production takes a while to get back into the swing of things. Until you’re back in the swing of things, you may have wild hormonal surges and lulls. **This is not the new normal.** This is temporary. If you stay off the pills, your body will probably settle back into the way it used to cycle.

Also, you can be in touch with your body whether you’re on or off the pill; an aware woman will remain aware either way. I find that there isn’t as much change to notice in non-ovulating cycles, but I am aware of what does happen. As you yourself observed, your cramps, crankiness, and breast swelling were monthly changes that did relate your mind, physicality, and emotions.

I had to stay on BCP to prevent frequent ovarian cysts, and I was afraid that I would be on it forever. I didn’t mind when I was using for contraceptive purposes, but I didn’t like “needing it”. I stopped taking it because my migraines were terrible in my off-week and I got break-through bleeding if I tried to skip the off-week and start the next pack. I was afraid that the cysts would come back, but it has been a couple of years and so far, so good.

I was also diagnosed with SAD once, but my symptoms almost completely went away once I found out that I had severe Vitamin D deficiency. I need to get my levels re-checked, but I have felt much better after a therapeutic dose of 50,000 IU 3 times per week for 6 weeks then OTC 5,000 IU once per day. I have celiac disease and live just south of the Mason-Dixon line, so those 2 factors combined to make me incapable of making Vitamin D from the sun very well.

Weird observation is that since working on my Vitamin D level, I am now freckling when in the sun. For years, I would burn then go back to pasty.

Just offering up some personal experiences in case what helped me could be of any help to anyone else here.

As for the mood swings, my theory is that most women I know, if they’re PMSing/having their period just don’t have the patience they have the rest of the time, and so what usually annoys us on a small scale just becomes unbearable.

And most men I know seem to be PMSing all the damn time, so screw the being lesser than part

I hope it gets easier for you!

M

All that aside – after a decade on my beloved pill, I switched to Mirena. There was considerable adjustment – largely due to the fact that I’m host to a grab bag of anxiety “disorders.” The pill had long functioned as sort of a poor woman’s anti-anxiety/depressant. Once it was gone, my anxiety definitely caused some downward spiraling. Eventually I got medication for the problem and feel better than ever. Now when I’m crying suddenly whilst watching a sitcom or wake up fully convinced that my very devoted dude is cheating on me – I’ve learned to stop and do the math since my last pill (it’s only active in my system for 3-5 hours and withdrawal is worse than my anxiety ever was). It’s flawed, sure, but I haven’t been escorted out of a bank by armed guards or detained by homeland security in an airport since I’ve been on it.
Just be open to the possible necessity of further medication tweaking – as what is working for you now, may not continue to. You’re going into this with open eyes and a damn good brain. You are fucking good at questioning the assumed. So when you feel that random, unbridled rage that seeps up, I have confidence that you can question and overcome that as well.

But I won’t go through all the details of the sitch with me. Instead have a chat with your dr about polycystic ovarian syndrome. It took a while for anybody to find out what was going on with me (incredibly irregular menses, pretty bad emotional swings, and a whole lot of other issues), until I had the testing done for this. It may not be PCOS, but it might be worth having a look at things related to hormones.

A flip side to all the understanding your body stuff – when taking medication, be it the pill or something else, you need to be just as in tune with your body so you can understand what it going on.

And remember, when women are cycling, they start arguments. When men are cycling, they start wars. We’re still a lot saner overall.