Indecent since 1776.
Oh beloved commonwealth of my birth…you seemed to be on the right track. I was so happy when you went to Obama in 2008. But Jesus H. Christ at a barbecue, look what’s happened since. You sent a bunch of Jesus-freak Republican assweasels to Richmond and now Gawker snarks that “Virginia is really becoming a strong competitor for the America’s Nuttiest State contest.”
Let’s start with Governor Bob McDonnell, whose Master’s thesis—earned at age 34 from a mediocre holy-roller university—decried working women and feminists as “detrimental” to society and asserted that government policy should favor married couples over “cohabitators, homosexuals or fornicators.” Also, Bob thinks slavery was no big deal.
Bob’s flying monkey is Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli, who recently went out of his way to inform Virginia’s colleges that despite their current stated policy of non-discrimination, they could screw over gay employees and it would be a-okay with the AG’s office. The letter was so gratuitiously homophobic that even my conservative, old-school alma mater responded with a respectful but unambiguous FUCK YOU. Oh, and Cuccinelli’s a Birther.
And now, having blown off gay rights, civil rights and women’s rights, Cuccinelli’s addressing a serious concern: a bare breast on the Virginia state seal and flag. The allegorical figure of Virtue, having just slain Tyranny, is letting her toga dip a little low.
Now, I grew up looking at this state flag. The Seal is on my birth certificate. But until this week, I thought Virtue was a man, since she looks pretty androgynous and the breast in question could easily be mistaken for a big Neo-Classical pec muscle. And SRSLY, who notices this shit?
Apparently Ken Cuccinelli did. He took one look and said “OMG, it’s a titty!!!”, thus proving the Gospel truth about the Christian right-wingers: they are 1000% times more dirty-minded than secular progressives. All that railing against fornication leads to fear and repression of normal sexuality, which leads to a twisted, panty-sniffing obsession with all things even remotely sex-related, including, in this case, a completely harmless, asexual, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it artistic representation of a bare breast that we’ve all been staring at for over 200 years anyway!
Ken presumably needed a break from trying to deprive Virginians of their civil rights, and so played jewelry designer and had some lapel pins made for his staff using an different image from a Virginia regimental flag from the Civil War (y’know, the war that totally wasn’t about slavery). He wants you to know that he wasn’t rejecting the official seal because of the errant bare breast—even though he had joked about just that:
“I cannot believe that joking with my staff about Virtue being a little more ‘virtuous’ in this antique version has become news.
“This is simply a media-made issue that has become distracting to the work of my office.”
Just a joke! Come on, people! Y’all have no sense of humor! And because your humorlessness ruined Ken Cuccinelli’s campaign for modesty:
“I am going to end this distraction by discontinuing future use of the pin.“
On Cuccinelli’s pin Virtue is wearing something resembling medieval armor…and a skirt. On the new seal, though, Tyranny doesn’t look slain. Tyranny, in fact, seems to be getting a second wind and looks like he’ll rise to fight another day. Which is a pretty good metaphor for what’s going on in Virginia these days.
Cuccinelli's pin
Easier-to-see version of the image on the pin.
I never comment, but as a fellow W&M alum, I felt the need.Reveley has certainly mastered the art of the respectful f-u.
As a fellow Virginian, I feel your pain. I never thought I’d get to vote for a presidential candidate in VA and actually see them win the state! And to go from Obama’s victory to Creigh Deeds’ weak-ass campaign against McDonald… what a let-down.
Yeah, and Tyranny is totally about to stab Virtue while she’s posing for Cuccinelli’s wingnut-approved seal of modesty!
I swear there’s a divot in the shape of my forehead on my desk from all of the absolutely disgusting and disgraceful…proclamations…emanating from the AG and Governor’s offices.
Thankfully, VA governors are limited to ONE six year term. And state elections are rolling around again soon. AND i have a REALLY responsive local delegate.
Only 4 more years of this…this…SHIT.
As a current resident of VA, I am truly repulsed by what’s happening here. Sometimes I look around at my neighbours and think “you? was it you? did you vote for this crazy fuck-knuckle?”. Then I remember that a) we live a democracy and they can do what they want and b) based the the odds, they probably did, and that’s too depressing to really comprehend.
And I remember volunteering for the Creigh Deeds campaign and attending rallies and fundraisers that were so sad and defeated from the start, that it was hard to see anyone voting for him.
I will give props to NARAL VA, who in the midst of this craziness have really stepped up.
Oh shit, this post had me crying I was laughing so hard.
I can’t decide if I should move to get away from the crazy, or stay so I can vote. I’ve never been so politically active in my life – and it feels so…useless. Because I’m surrounded by these reactionary fuck nuts.
Harpies from the Old Dominion, represent!
@thiswoman: Yeah, it’s a real quandary. I did move, although not to get away from the crazy—well, not entirely —and I can tell you that there’s a certain amount of frustration that comes from living in a blue state, too. Unlike if I were still living in VA, I don’t feel like my vote can affect much change, since it’s a foregone conclusion a Dem will carry NY in a presidential election, and our state/local officials are reasonably liberal as well (even the Republicans). At times it can feel like living in an echo chamber. There are times I wish I still lived in the South so I could agitate locally.
@SkipToMyLou: Some of those crazy McDonnell-voting fuck-knuckles are family members, and it makes me NUTS. I’m always shouting “DID YOU SEE WHAT HE DID????” at those relatives. They just love having me home for the holidays.
Former AG Ashcroft (from a state I used to live in) got all het up about the dirty DIRTY TITTIES visible at the DOJ, so he arranged for thousands of dollars worth of curtains in 02.
Which were later removed.
WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?
I’ve lived in VA for 5 years now, and the longer I’m stuck here the more desperate I am to leave. It is so frustrating!!! SUCKFEST. SkipToMyLou: fuck-knuckle? That is the funniest thing I’ve heard today. Awesome.
I really am very interested in seeing what ties these theocratic dogbags have to The Family and other dominionist/end times folks of similar ilk. All these recent moves are part of The Agendatm, and as such I find it pretty ominous.
@Odonata: The Family owns a huge antebellum house right around the corner from where my family lives in Virginia. It’s on a lovely old estate overlooking the Potomac. The County Board has been fighting them for years on zoning issues. The neighbors would love to get rid of those creepy motherfuckers, but they can’t.
The backlash is strong here in Virginia! Every day it’s something else.
Cucc is going to replace the pin despite the “fact” that it’s “just a joke?”
Virginia can now join Oklahoma, Arizona, and South Carolina as the proud standard-bearers for states focusing on the important small-government shit: hiding the evil boobs from the poor, unsuspecting public; protecting doctors from evil women; protecting Americans from evil immigrants; and protecting poor philandering governors from their evil sins.
Thanks guys for doing the really hard work. I mean, anybody can address and unprecedented budget crisis but not everybody can craft a pin that protects the purity of virtue.
Is it my imagination, or does it seem like The South has finally gotten around to meting out some payback? Because this, the Georgia guns-in-airports law, South Carolina’s general buffoonery, Florida’s continual nonsense, and Arizona’s racial-profiling-fest has me thinking that they’ve waited long enough, and given the 150th anniversary of the start of The Civil War is approaching, it’s time to light the fuse!
All this wing-nuttery certainly makes it easier to decide where to spend one’s vacation money. Well, if we had any this year, but that’s another story.
@BeckySharper: I grew up in CA, so moving to central VA has been like Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. Every time I turn around I’m confronted with some new reason to ::head desk:: and I think I landed in the most liberal city outside of NoVa.
But hey, Planned Parenthood managed to keep the revenue from the new “Trust Women, Protect Choice” license plates (despite the hard work of a bunch of fuckitty-fucks), so that’s something.
@thiswoman & BeckySharper: There’s not necessarily a need to actually stay or move anywhere in order to make a political impact where you think it matters most.
It’s not a problem to vote in a state you may not be living in daily, if you can register to vote there under a legitimate address you have mail access to (say, you have parents or a relative living in your home state). I haven’t lived in Virginia for over ten years, but I wanted to vote in Virginia as opposed to New York in 2008, so I reregistered under my parents’ address.
The reason was that I was helping with a grassroots congressional campaign in Virginia from New York (I’d also add that living in New York did not preclude my agitating locally in other localities, with telephone, credit card, and internet access).
But if you have misgivings about voting in a state you are by no stretch of the imagination physically residing in, let me describe why I am now certain it’s ok to do this:
On election day 2008, I went from New York to Virginia to volunteer at one of the polling stations for this campaign. Since it was gradually clear it was going to be a real nailbiter, and that a recount was likely, at the last minute I lost my nerve to vote for fear that in a recount the legitimacy of my registration was going to be grounds for claiming voter fraud, undermining my candidate. Sure enough, the election went to recount and my candidate won in a squeaker (~700 votes).
Later, during all the champagne-popping congratulatory go-rounds of this ostensible miracle, I revealed to the new Congressman-elect that I, er, hadn’t actually *voted* for him or really anyone in the election of 2008, you see, because I was trying to avoid a voter fraud challenge.
It was at that point that I was gently but explicitly and officially made aware that this was not the correct assumption. If the address is legitimate, and you don’t *try and vote more than once*, you’re A-OK fine. All the other stuff you hear is just scary talk from people trying to suppress turnout.
Hope that helps clarify some of what was unclear to me when it comes to maximizing political energy particular to state. Staying or moving is not the critical issue.
@ThisWoman: Charlottesville? Do you have one of those license plates? If I still lived in VA I would have paid extra for it!
I’m in Charlottesville, and as soon as the DMV officially lists the license plates on their website, I’m totally paying extra to get one. So worth the extra money.
As for the governor and the AG – it’s just *sigh* what can you say?
@BeckySharper & Mimi: Yep, Charlottesville. I am awaiting my license plate as I type! I’m really pleased that PP was able to organize and successfully keep the quack legislators from hijacking the proceeds. I did a lot of typing and calling in the last few days; there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to be happy about the money from the plates going straight back to the CPCs. They already get $$ from their plates, they shouldn’t get the $$ from the “Trust Women…” plates too. But, phew, that battle was won.
Tyranny doesn’t even look injured or angry. Just slightly irritated: “Excuse me, but why are you stepping on my back? How rude.”
Oy vey…makes me want to move to a tiny island. Alone. Why, WHY, do people vote idiots into office?
@Satirius: Let me see if I understand: if I register to vote in Virginia, using my family’s house as my address, I could go to the polls there, provided I didn’t also vote in New York in the same election?
There’s no law against being registered in more than one place at a time?
double down on what marigold said. “fuck knuckle” made me snort.
i will personally make it my mission to spread this phrase in the northern california region. we have plenty o’ fuck knuckles here, too.
cheers.
@BeckySharper Correct. Being registered in more than one place is not voter fraud. The deliberate act of voting more than once is.
@Becky – Satirius is right — my boyfriend was originally registered in MA where he’s from, is still registered there, but also registered in PA where our school is so that he could vote in a swing state, using the school address (according to our college, this is legit).
Thanks, y’all. You learn something new every day. I wish I had known that in 2008 so I could have voted for Obama in VA.
moved to california just in time…