The list is long, but a few particular things were brought to my attention as I went about my business being Female in Public over the long weekend. To wit:
1. Doodz ruin wearing weather-appropriate clothes. That plain cotton tank dress was just really comfy for running errands in, I thought. Nope. “Heyyyyy, Sexy! Damn, I’d like to [garbled verb] that!”
2. Doodz ruin simple choices. Which orange juice should I get?, I wondered. Sweaty Joe offered to help me choose and even to carry my groceries home for me. WINK WINK.
3. Doodz ruin ice cream. The Mr. Softee and Kool-Man legions are out, and there are times when nothing but a twist cone will suffice. Unfortunately, a woman eating a twist cone is apparently so lewd, so filthy, that it must not go uncommented on. “Girl, I got sumthin’ for you to lick!” “They should give you free ice cream every day, mami, you a commercial!”
4. Doodz ruin real compliments. See #1-3.
Shut up. Really. Just shut up. If you think that a woman you don’t know wants to hear your opinion on her clothing, consumer choices, or frozen confections, you are wrong. Just fucking shut your pie hole. Please consider the likelihood that your unnecessary, unwanted, unhelpful gum-flapping ruins everything.
Fuck You Very Much,