The list is long, but a few particular things were brought to my attention as I went about my business being Female in Public over the long weekend. To wit:
1. Doodz ruin wearing weather-appropriate clothes. That plain cotton tank dress was just really comfy for running errands in, I thought. Nope. “Heyyyyy, Sexy! Damn, I’d like to [garbled verb] that!”
2. Doodz ruin simple choices. Which orange juice should I get?, I wondered. Sweaty Joe offered to help me choose and even to carry my groceries home for me. WINK WINK.
3. Doodz ruin ice cream. The Mr. Softee and Kool-Man legions are out, and there are times when nothing but a twist cone will suffice. Unfortunately, a woman eating a twist cone is apparently so lewd, so filthy, that it must not go uncommented on. “Girl, I got sumthin’ for you to lick!” “They should give you free ice cream every day, mami, you a commercial!”
4. Doodz ruin real compliments. See #1-3.
Doodz suck.
Dear Doodz,
Shut up. Really. Just shut up. If you think that a woman you don’t know wants to hear your opinion on her clothing, consumer choices, or frozen confections, you are wrong. Just fucking shut your pie hole. Please consider the likelihood that your unnecessary, unwanted, unhelpful gum-flapping ruins everything.
Fuck You Very Much,
PhDork
OMG Agreed. Doodz also attempt to ruin my short haircut (I recently cut and recut it – the first length opened me up to dyke comments, the second apparently signals sexual availability), colorful sports bras, not-smiling because I feel like not-smiling, and standing with my arm stretched out to hold the subway pole (which it turns out is secret dood code for “Comment on my tattoos”
Well, duh, MKP, you were HOLDING a POLE. Open season! Also, if your FB pic shows your current haircut, let me risk ruining everything by saying it’s super cute.
Doodz ruin being nice. If I’m out running or walking, and I don’t have a super-evil I-will-kill-you-if-you-talk-to-me look on my face, I get shitty comments. I look like a psycho killer and I don’t. Thanks, doodz!
Doodz ruin a certain block in my neighborhood and therefore my whole preferred dog-walking route by hanging out drunk and shirtless, harassing and even following women and girls that walk by. I have told you to fuck off for the last time and cede this block to you, doodz.
A-fucking-men.
I have noticed that there is a proportional relationship between length of skirt and frequency of comments in Paris. Some are borderline ok – last week I got a ‘vous avez beaucoup de grâce, mademoiselle’, which I thought was nearly classy, but a lot are of the wolf-whistling or oh-la-la-ing variety.
And I know the problem with eating food too, I made the mistake of eating a banana on the street recently and got some comments.
What’s the worst, though, is being touched when I don’t want it. I’ve had my hair stroked by strangers – unfortunately I was speechless and could only glare and move away – grabbed, etc. It’s gotten to the point where I’m much more aggressive when I sense someone invading my personal space, and I’ve been practicing saying ‘va te faire foutre’ for the next appropriate occasion.
Seriously, do these doodz think they will get anywhere with these tactics??
Jenny K, my dog and I might be able to clean up that block for you. He’s half Rottweiler and half Great Dane, and he.does.not.like when strangers get too close to me.
But agreed, on the post and all comments!
Doodz ruin simple courtesy. Sometimes I can’t return a hello or say thank you without them interpreting it as I am SO into you and want to fuck you RIGHT NOW! Take me home, Big Boy!
Case in point: Yesterday I was carrying tons of grocery bags and a dude saw that I had my hands full and opened a door for me. When I made eye contact and said “thank you”, he proceeded to take that as a come-on and followed me down the block trying to get my phone number, even though I made it pretty clear I didn’t want to talk to him. Like CassieC says, I hate that I have to wear my bitchface 24-7 in order to avoid being harassed. Even then it doesn’t always work.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Fucking doodz… definitely agree with all things said above. I’d like to add – phallic donuts to the list…I’m not talking strictly about the “cock and balls” donut from Voodoo in Portland (friends bought this for me and we had lots of perverted fun – of course, there’s a big difference between your friends snapping pics of you licking a phallic donut and COMPLETE FUCKING STRANGERS doing the same thing) but any eclair/long john/oozy creme filled pastry.
Must agree with MKP about doodz ruining new hair. When I went red (and every time I refresh the color) I had to deal with a lot weird creepiness from men. Yeah, I get it, you REALLY REALLY like red heads, please stop repeating it with that “I’m a 12 yr old with a boner” look on your face.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by D Drapeau, Pursuit of Harpyness. Pursuit of Harpyness said: Things Doodz Ruin @ http://bit.ly/aAr23C [...]
@AmBam: As a blonde, I wholeheartedly second the hair comment. Note to doodz: my hair color is my hair color—it doesn’t make me dumb or sexually available or even the slightest bit interested in your “compliments.”
Doodz ruin boobs. This is, of course, not news to any of you. But I get so fucking sick of it. My boobs are naturally very large. No matter how I dress, I can’t hide them, even when I’m fully covered up. Just because my big boobs are there is not an invitation to comment, wolf-whistle, insinuate that I’m trolling for dates, etc. Apparently, walking down the street in peace is not an option available to women.
@BeckySharper and @AmBam, I just recently went blonde, and yeah, it’s opened me up to a whole new world of harassment. It’s perfectly all right for them to follow you slowly in cars hooting and hollering, or make lip smacky noises.
Yet, when you threaten to shove a cell phone up their nose, you’re a bitch. Go fig.
Doodz ruin hanging out at the beach and also, sometimes, hanging out in other places. It’s as if the very act of leaving the house invites the come on.
@Katharsis – amen!
@PhDork – Doodz ruin conversations like this by barging in and accusing us all of being shrill feminazis who hate men and “healthy male sexuality”.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZkYKBdNaEk&feature=PlayList&p=F47BA58E4A754226&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=5
A fabulous spoken word performance about doods ruining ice cream.
Thanks PhD – it does
I should mention that despite their efforts to be ruinful, I make a point of reclaiming my skirts and hair and pleasant expression whenever possible. In between telling random doodz to fuck off.
Is no one going to comment on the sheer hilarity of Frodo doing that creepy dood stare for this post? I think that is THE MOST appropriate pic for any Harpy post, EVER!
Just sayin: Sometimes when um, males wear the same sorts of weather-appropriate clothes, the same doodz you speak of will assail us with “faggot” and “butthumper” and the like whether we’re built like Brad Pitt or Sloppy Joe.
Oh hai thar, Frodo!
Seriously, that pic makes this post even more awesome.
As for doodz – they ruin amusement, too: The other day I was walking along, wearing *gasp* a skirt (not sure if it’s related but there it is), and a group of young doodz started doing actual dance moves as I approached. And I didn’t dare laugh, instead staring ahead. Stupid doodz!
Yes, hugh, The Patriarchy Hurts Men, Too.
Next!
baraqiel: we had a dood try to be clever in comments yesterday. Blocked and banninated. Sorry, Frodo, this isn’t your corner.
Another thing doodz ruin: the First Amendment. They misunderstand “freedom of speech” to mean that the constitution guarantees their right to belch forth their unexpurgated inanities everywhere.
Wrongo Dongo, douchetroll. I am not Congress, and you are not smart enough to deserve commenting space.
Damn, I’m sorry you ladies have to put up with that. If I was female and was spoken to like that I’d mace the guy, or taser him.
I think a good comeback is to say “Would you want someone saying that to your wife, or mother, or daughter?” It might defuse those cretins. On the other hand, when a girl wears shorts with writing across the ass, she shouldn’t get too furious if a guy reads it.
If it’s any consolation, women in Islamic countries have it 100 times worse. One glimpse at a bare ankle equates to a public beat-down, maybe even a stoning.
KK, I doubt you’d mace or taser a guy for speaking to you like that. If a woman reacted that way to street harassment people would consider her crazy and she’d be arrested.
Good tip. I will stop wearing my JUICY ass shorts to work from now on.
And no, it’s not a consolation. But that is an odd thing to say about women in Islamic countries.
On the other hand, when a girl wears shorts with writing across the ass, she shouldn’t get too furious if a guy reads it.
KK, you’re new here, so let me enlighten you: blaming the victim is bullshit.
Even if a woman has shorts with writing on her ass, that’s no excuse for men to harrass her. And women are being harrassed all the fucking time while wearing perfectly normal street clothes…so quit trying to pretend like men just can’t help it because of what we’re wearing. Your lack of self control is not our fault.
As for you comment about women in the Islamic world: it is not a ‘consolation’ to me when women are beaten up on, for any reason. Ever.