Comments on: Or Maybe You’re Just Pants in Bed.

By: Katharsis

Katharsis — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 21:00:24 +0000

I hate that Askmen.com seems to believe that if articles that purport to explain the brains/motivations/desires of all women everywhere are written by women then the misogyny that actually drives the creation of these articles magically becomes TRUE SCIENTIFIC FACT. The belief behind it reminds of the dudes who defend the disgusting and misogynistic facebook groups about domestic violence/rape/reinforcing gender norms by saying that there were women in those groups making jokes as well so therefore the groups are completely legitimate and not at all offensive (except to the uptight feminists).

By: bellacoker

bellacoker — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 20:32:58 +0000

Rhiannon:

I think that is almost the universal default position (insert cultural caveat here), but becoming aware of it and trying to move past it has made things about a million times better in my relationships. YMMV, of course.

By: PhDork

PhDork — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 20:22:46 +0000

Feelings are for gurlz, baraqiel.

And yes, MM, I expect a 500-word essay explaining the term. After you correctly spell it.

By: baraqiel

baraqiel — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 20:10:30 +0000

I would like to meet these people who never get sleepy or stressed out or what have you. The latter is the primary reason my boyfriend ever “withholds” sex from me, and the former is the primary reason I “withhold” sex from him. See, here I thought that when I said I wanted to bone and genuinely meant it and then got a gigantic melatonin rush and promptly started failing to complete sentences and not realizing that my eyes had been closed for 5 minutes, I was actually just…about to fall asleep. But it turns out that I was in fact “pissed off” or “playing games” or being “manipulative”! Thanks, AskMen! I never would have known was was going on in my head otherwise!

I also like how she throws this in: “Other times, the only way to get out of the doghouse is to participate in one of those long, heartfelt conversations in which you share feelings.” Like — oh god, not actual communication about your relationship! The horror!

By: Rhiannon

Rhiannon — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 20:09:02 +0000

I also will admit that I take any partner I have not wanting to have sex with me very personally. On the other hand I will totally have sex with my partner even when I don’t want to in order to avoid hurting his/her feelings. Yeah I think I am going to have to look into this with a professional….

By: mischiefmanager

mischiefmanager — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 20:05:17 +0000

@PH.Dork: re “misundersogystandingny”

Is that going to be on the exam?

By: PhDork

PhDork — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 20:01:41 +0000

It seems that what this article really needs is a header in 78 point font that says: NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU!!

That’s exactly it, bella. Even though the idea of “withholding”-as-spite might seem to imply that women might-sorta-kinda-possibly-maybe like sex, this article takes the position (heh) that Sex, like everything else, Is For Men, and that women are just childish tyrants, purely reactionary, rather than, y’know, humans.

By: rodriguez

rodriguez — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 19:58:52 +0000

misundersogystandingny: stealing that.

Instead of cotd cotw you guys should have word of the day or word of the week.

By: bellacoker

bellacoker — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 19:56:05 +0000

So, I do this, I play the *male* role in this article in interactions with guys that I date. A lot. But because I am a lady and don’t feel like I have a black place on my soul large enough to coerce my lovers into having sex that they don’t want, and also because that sex, if had, is likely to be at best unremarkable and at worst completely icky, I often have to deal with my own issues.

Like thinking, “Oh Bella, this isn’t really about sex, you are just wanting to have sex to prove to yourself that you are worthy and that someone loves you. That might be messed up. Since sex is not available, how else can this issue be addressed?”

It seems that what this article really needs is a header in 78 point font that says: NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU!!

By: PhDork

PhDork — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 19:52:18 +0000

Yeah, there’s a lot of there there, rodriguez. This post, though not terribly brilliant, took ages to write because I kept seeing more and more wrong with SS’s piece, all wrapped up in a giant clusterfuck of misunderstanding and misogyny, or what I like to call “misundersogystandingny.”