Comments on: In Which I Am Agreeable—With Audrey Irvine

By: VaS

VaS — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 06:19:34 +0000

To be especially generous*, it seems to me that many people I have known have bought houses in preparation for having kids. It is because of this (and a lack of frigging imagination**) that they assume that others will do the exact same thing. In other words, it might not be solely due to “children are accessories” thinking.

*The assumptions of others that I will follow in their foot steps and have children just like they are/did is actually causing me problems at work right now so this is actually very, very generous on my part.

**Oops, not being so generous right here.

By: sybann

sybann — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 19:23:05 +0000

It’s so annoying we get so little credit for having a fucking BRAIN.

I bought a 3 bed 2.5 bath house on a golf course because of its resale value. Same reason I drive a Honda.

And it’s convenient to have extra bedrooms when Mom visits and brings my aunt.

By: emilyanne

emilyanne — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 16:17:33 +0000

@Endora, I’ve always liked the German model, not least because I prefer to be flexible and property less. I’ve honestly never seen the fuss about about having a house. Actually I have to say I’ve also never had issues with renting and my renting has always been in the US and the UK, but I think that just makes me lucky rather than clever.

By: Endora

Endora — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 15:49:40 +0000

@Emilyanne: I totally understand. I won’t have enough money to buy anything for a very long time at least, but I’m not entirely sold on the property ladder anyway. I think my view is skewed though because a lot of my renting experience was in Germany – otherwise I’ve mostly lived in halls of residence and similar. The circumstances there make it much more attractive to be a life-long renter than they do in the UK or US.

Renting is a good option in Germany, and about 50% of people (and more in the cities) do it. There are strong controls on how much rents can rise annually, and renters have strong rights. For example, if there is a problem with the flat and the landlord doesn’t take care of it, or if you are inconvenienced by work on the building or similar, you’re automatically allowed to pay less than full rent (Mietminderung) – don’t think I’ve heard of that anywhere else.

Besides, ‘Eigentum verpflichtet’ – with property comes responsibility – is an idea that is strongly anchored there, to the point of being written in the constitution. So a lot of people tend to think that it’s better to be flexible but property-less. And I see their point…

By: PhDork

PhDork — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 15:25:27 +0000

Real estate lust is one of the few ways I am Utterly Conventional. Most days. I really, really want a house of my own. It will never happen, especially here in NYC, but probably never anywhere, for financial reasons. I suppose I could look on the bright side and think that my inability to own is a good thing, since no one will get the wrong idea and think the Dude and I are heading either down the aisle or to Storks R Us.

By: flackette

flackette — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 14:29:50 +0000

This time a year ago I was about to buy a house. (It ended up not working out because of a financing SNAFU, but for a while it looked like a done deal). It was a 3 BR house with a detached garage, with lots of mid-century details.

It was interesting, because the first thing a lot of people asked me was “So, what does this mean for your relationship?”.

The assumption seemed to be that because I was buying a house on my own, despite having a boyfriend, that meant that we were either about to break up (because he was not financially involved in the transaction) or get married. Or at least live together. In reality, none of these things were planned. The plan was that, as before, we would live in our own places – but my place would be a house rather than an apartment.

This seemed to blow people’s minds.

And yes, comments were made about how having extra bedrooms would be nice if I wanted to have kids (I don’t, btw).

I headed people off at the pass by telling them that I planned to use one as a guest bedroom, and the other as a room devoted to yarn and crafts.

When the house thing didn’t work out, I moved into a new apartment anyway. But a 2 bedroom this time (rent is cheap here), with a room just for my office and crafty stuff. Because I can. And my boyfriend still visits – and envies my spare room.

By: emilyanne

emilyanne — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 13:18:07 +0000

And then you can be me. I have never bought a house, even when I could afford one. I’ve never wanted my own house. I like renting. And yet i have children. Which in the world of these people is apparently irresponsible but just as i don’t know why they think buy a house = must have kids so I also don’t know why have kids must equal buy a house.

By: mischiefmanager

mischiefmanager — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 12:48:24 +0000

Cat, that’s exactly what I was thinking. Having kids should not be the default for men or women. We see the sad, painful results of that mind set every day. Having kids should be the result of a carefully considered decision, and people who decide that it’s not for them should be treated with respect for taking the choice seriously.

By: baraqiel

baraqiel — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 01:15:16 +0000

I wonder if part of this has to do with the expectation that women have no reason to care about things like equity and tax credits (presumably because their husbands will deal with all that complicated money stuff).

By: Cat

Cat — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 00:22:23 +0000

Am I the only one who gets the impression from Ms. Irvine’s interrogators that they treat children more or less like accessories? I know that’s a classic conservative trope to pull out, and one that’s misused the vast majority of the time, but urgh. Children are a conscious decision, not some sort of flesh-and-blood diploma for Being Good Wimminz.