Comments on: Nice Guys (TM) Finish Last–For Good Reason

By: Matthew

Matthew — Fri, 17 May 2013 21:22:08 +0000

I can offer one small defense of the original poster. If you strip his comments of the generalizations you find one small cry of frustration to which I can relate. How many of us have seen people we like and respect get wrapped up in relationships with other people who are clearly treating them like dirt. If you are having a hard time finding love and see that someone who doesn’t return phone calls, sleeps around, and generally insults their “partners” it can whirl up all matter of anger.

I suspect the original poster is someone young, like a teenager or in his early twenties, who is simply in a rut in the dating department while some less than savory types are simply rutting. No he does not deserve a cookie for not being an asshole, but I will throw him my sympathy for his plight.

By: Jason

Jason — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 17:03:40 +0000

I agree for the most part, but the point at which I take issue is the implication that women somehow are not taken in by the same patriarchal system that men are when it comes to choosing a mate. Our culture sets up the Untouchable Male as paramount, and both women and men fall prey to his charms. Women want to have him; men want to be him. So real change takes action on the part of BOTH mean and women–nice guys to move away from a sense of entitlement (if the Untouchable Man gets all the women, why can’t I have some) and women to recognize that the defition of what a man is can be just as nuanced and subtle as that of a woman.
We are all in different places on the scale of enlightenment; both men and women have things to learn about each other. But the way this essay is written makes it seem like only men have to do the changing.

By: Mr. Nice Guy

Mr. Nice Guy — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 01:16:28 +0000

“Genuinely nice guys have nothing to worry about. Genuinely nice guys already have plenty of female friends, both platonic and romantic, because treating women (or men) kindly and respectfully pretty much guarantees companionship.”

So then I should be a “genuine nice guy” instead of a “nice guy” since it GUARANTEES (lol) companionship.

jkjk

By: Will we ever be done explaining why Nice Guys suck? « Dissent of a Woman

Will we ever be done explaining why Nice Guys suck? « Dissent of a Woman — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 01:17:28 +0000

[...] Nice Guys (TM) Finish Last–For Good Reason [...]

By: I didn’t laugh at your rape joke? « calyxworld

I didn’t laugh at your rape joke? « calyxworld — Thu, 23 Aug 2012 11:40:34 +0000

[...] ****For definitions of Nice Guys ™, see this and maybe this [...]

By: James

James — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 21:49:40 +0000

Sorry. As one of those ‘nice guys’ I take offense that we have some kind of condition or anything else. Talk about sweeping generalizations. I can name a whole bunch of those nice guys…and yeah I know them real well. We tend to stick together. Women think they can change the bad boys. Oh also, us nice guys probably don’t look right to them; either too big, small, fat, skinny or like sci fi, computers, are smart, nice, like our parents and go home to Thanksgiving with both of them and our families.

Actually the friend where I found this post said the best thing: she says us nice guys wait around for the woman to wake up and see us. And thus we loose the shot. We need to take more action and also be more pro-active. And we need to be more observant to some subtle signals that those female friends through out to us, as we also want the good looking ladies also. So we need to wake up and wise up. Nice Guys forever!

By: Bunny

Bunny — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 01:23:22 +0000

See, I definitely get behind the “different definitions of arsehole” thing when it comes to the attitude Nice Guys have about women wanting jerks.

I can see how my other half could appear to be a jerk from the outside. He is loud, laughs at his own jokes, is opinionated and forthright and when drunk he DOES NOT SHUT UP. He is also longterm unemployed, spends a lot of time playing computer games at home and has something of a big ego.

He is also the kindest, gentlest, most loving and feminist man I have ever met. He is a pacifist and a humanist, and has done more to improve my self esteem than any therapy ever could.

There is no such thing as the “perfect” man. All relationships are a trade-off between accepting flaws and embracing annoyances, and enjoying the good parts. Just because Mr Nice Guy sees a woman’s other half as a jerk, doesn’t mean he is a jerk to her. Doesn’t mean he is a jerk in the areas where it counts.

By: Michael

Michael — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 16:58:13 +0000

Having a few friends that are decent looking though a bit shy that feel they fit into the nice guy category (and most of them are good guys and truly nice),most of them however do finish last.Many women prefer a guy that is more extroverted to introverted and most of the nice guys (rather than Nice Guys)that have this happen do tend to be sweet,caring,unassuming etc. And most of the ladies I know think they are great for hanging around yet would never date one because as they say “It would be like kissing my brother”. Sorry but sometimes it does happen.

By: Anon

Anon — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 01:43:37 +0000

Hi all,

I’m a guy, and I think this is a great article. I have a friend who tends to fall into the “Nice Guy (TM)” pattern. I’ve wanted to talk to him about it, but I wasn’t quite sure what to say. Your article and the linked comments express it very well.

By: BeckySharper

BeckySharper — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 23:41:53 +0000

@averageguy: Thing is, when you tell a woman “your [sic] just pissing him off by being a total bitch”…you have revealed what kind of man you really are. Hint: Not the good kind, or the kind women want to be around. Genuinely decent men do not refer to women as bitches.

It’s especially rich that you’re complaining that I’m being “so rude” at the same time you’re referring to me as a “total bitch.” That kind of entitled, hateful approach to women—you’re supposed to be nice to me, you bitch!—is straight out of the Nice Guy (TM) handbook.