I speak, of course, of Seattle, which many of our readers shared information about, and which several residents thereof explicitly asked me to badmouth. So here goes.
Our trip was a nightmare. First of all, when I travel someplace, I do research on the weather so I will be prepared. Seattle is grey and rainy, right? Nope. Instead, we had to deal with this:
We thought going out on the water would give us a chance to feel damp and chilly. No luck. Plus, there was this big honkin’ rock messing up what could have been a really nice view of Elliot Bay.
The Dude was busy pretty much all day everyday we were there, so I was on my own for this thing called The Underground Tour, which was supposed to be about the scandalous beginnings of Seattle, but we spent so much time walking through these filthy tunnels that I couldn’t even listen to half of what the guide was saying. I just remember there was all this discussion of exploding toilets. Ew.
So, toilets and dirt. And then I get out of the tour, and I see this:
As least they were wearing helmets. Although I nearly lost my appetite from all the potty-talk (my delicate ears!) and wanton nudity, I needed to eat something, so I went over to Pike Place Market, and all I saw was this:
I’m not even posting a picture of all the peaches and cherries. Jeez. I could have starved to death.
One night we went to see the Mariners play. They lost to the Yankees, which was enough of a bummer (I am a faithless New Yorker), but I also had to choke down garlic fries and lemonade and stare at this all night:
I did get to spend some time with an old friend, who walked me around to a variety of bars and sites in the International District, where it was like nobody could speak any English, and I learned that his wife is one of the people behind The Confectional, so of course I had to eat my share of tiny cheesecake truffles. Life is hard.
On our last day we went to the Experience Music Project (what is up with that building, y’all?), where I got sore fingers from slappin’ de bass, and I spent hours walking around getting a little bit sunburned, because, again: NO RAIN.
And did I mention the coffee? And the local beers consumed while suffering through the last few World Cup games? And Cyberdogs, the vegan hotdog joint/internet cafe? UGH.
And the hotel.
Major fail, Seattle. Major. Fail.
Lest anyone’s sarcasmometer is off: I had a fucking amazing time. Thanks to those of you who recommended various attractions and restaurants. The Dude about stroked out at Pizza Pi. I’ll be heading back in November for my own conference and more adventures. Who wants to meet me at Agua Verde?