I’ve gotten an ad in both of my heavy-use emailboxes several times now for a show that I can’t ignore any longer, try as I might. The mixture of pandering and cutesiness is truly puke-tastic.
The show is a one-man autobiographical performance titled “The Accidental Pervert” (whoopsie-doodles!), and apparently it takes us trippingly through years of the author/performer’s* salacious objectification of women and furtive monkeyspanking. Bring the kids!
No, don’t bring the kids. Even though the show is “the story of one boy’s odyssey to manhood via a childhood dominated by pornography, an addiction accumulated after the boy happens upon his father’s collection of XXX-Rated video tapes…. He found the tapes at 11 years-of-age. The addiction controlled him until he was 26… THE YEAR HE MET HIS WIFE.”
Caps in the original. It’s all here: young boys are sexual early, which is totally awesome!!!, a boy confronted with hardcore pornography is fodder for comedy, men are helpless slaves to their cocks, craving infinite variety and ever-more extreme acts and images…but the love of a good woman can redeem him! Awwwww.
But the best (worst) part of this ad is its tagline:
“The Best PR That The Male Race Could Ever Want”
That tag actually came from an online review, but it’s been eagerly adopted for promotional purposes. Hey dudes, come see this show, which involves tit jokes and dick jokes and wank jokes and did I mention dick jokes? Also: porn. Lots and lots of porn. With puns! “Star Whores”! Comedy fuckin’ GOLD, brah!
PLUS, you can say it’s theatre so you can trick yer ol’ lady into coming, too, and we’ll explain why your obsessive pornography use is a) normal, b) acceptable, and c) her fault, ’cause obviously if she were sweet/hot/pure/____ enough, you’d be able to do without it. See? DE-FENSE! DE-FENSE! DE-FENSE! *chestbump*
Whatever, chief. Whack off all you like. Obsessively write and talk about it, too. Wank on about your years of wanking. Your sad little show is nothing more than a sorry defense of your male privilege to use exploited women’s bodies for pleasure , and now, years later, profit. Using a childish cartoon image of a flasher–a sexual predator–with a heart over his junk as your logo is just the “tee-hee!” puke-chunk on top of your grotesque, self-indulgent vomit sundae.
There are no “accidents” here. This is carefully calculated stuff of rape culture.
*I’m purposefully omitting the douchehound’s name.