You are right-on with your response about parenting teen parents, as well. I WAS a teen parent, and one of my ex-partner’s teen was as well. Neither of us had the situation handled correctly by our parents (no blame here, just hind-sight). I think your balanced approach would have benefited both of us teen moms and our babies, had our parents chosen to handle it the way you propose.

What I mostly try to stress to all teens I encounter (I’ve worked with teens for almost 20 yrs) is that every seemingly small decision you make can really affect you 40, 50, 100 years from now, so decide as wisely and cautiously as you can…b/c dealing with lifetime consequences is no picnic, and is a reality I’ve lived with myself.

Of course all this is said in ongoing dialogue that I can’t reproduce here…but hopefully it’s helped some teen at some time in their life make a better decision than they would have

Oddly, some cheesy women’s mag suggested massaging the clit with olive oil “or something slippery.”

I had tried sticking things in my vagina to no avail before that on numerous occasions. Once I realized I was in the wrong territory, it was all over, but even the world’s most impressive vibrating dildo wouldn’t have cleared that up for me.

I’d prefer not to have them lean to heavily on battery operated artillery to get orgasms at that age; it’s just a lot different than the sensation a partner will provide later, and I think kids at that age can get habituated to some stimuli that will make real sex a frustrating endeavor.

Same with boys and porn.

They can jack off all they want, don’t need extra ammo to help them accomplish this at age 16.

My boyfriend actually didn’t know that many other women even owned vibrators. He’s twenty-three. To me, this suggests that there is, in general, not nearly enough real information about the devices floating around.

I grew up in NYC and found out about intercourse when I was 6 (I was traumatized for a long time), and I saw cheap Times Square hookers and XXX 25 cent peep show patrons tons of times (back when that area was like that), but to me it was like a freak show at the traveling circus….a bit scary, totally unknown, and yet strangely magnetic and fascinating. I’m all for a lot more transparency, plus healthy boundaries of course, but lots and lots of clarity as well.

I grew up in NYC and found out about intercourse when I was 6 (I was traumatized for a long time), and I saw sleezy Times Square hookers and XXX 25 cent peep show patrons tons of times (back when that area was like that), but to me it was like a freak show at the travelling circus….a bit scary, and yet strangely magnetic and fascinating. I’m all for a lot more transparency, plus healthy boundaries of course, but lots and lots of clarity as well.

Nothing would change. As a parent, I would support my kid unconditionally until they were at least 18, regardless of his or her reproductive choices.

If my daughter insisted on having a baby while she was still a child herself, that would be one of many bad, childish decisions that a parent can’t control or prevent.

Saying “if you do x, then you’re choosing to be an adult” is a contradiction in terms.
The whole point is that you’re not an adult because you’re still mentally and physically immature and in need of parenting–even though you have a right to bodily autonomy that I cannot and should not override.

Of course, I wouldn’t be happy about having to essentially co-parent my grandchild under those circumstances, but I’d do it because it would need to be done.

It’s not coddling it’s just parenting. Coddling would be allowing the kid to shirk their share of the parenting duties. There’s a lot a young parent can and should do, even if they’re not yet grown up themselves.

I’d pick a place that sold variety of products from books to lingerie to sex toys, so there would be the some plausible deniability built in. I’d make sure the gift card was good for a long time, and make sure that she knew that she didn’t have to redeem it right away.

If I had an adult female friend or relative who was also close to my daughter, I might “launder” the gift through her. It’s probably less embarrassing to get a sex shop gift certificate from your beloved, hip Auntie So-and-So than it is to get it from your mom.