I have a short list of FFT topics that I add to or pull from as needed, and one of them was “What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?” I was going to use it last Friday, but Becky had another question ready, and Melissa over at Shakesville had, just three days earlier, posted the very same question. You should definitely visit that thread, as it is full of happy-making loveliness.
Then you should come back here and share your own best or favorite compliment: the one you keep in a velvet-lined mahogany jewel box in your soul, and occasionally take out to caress. The one that still chokes you up a little, or brings a flush to your cheek.
They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and its true that I definitely admire Melissa. So while this thread is nowhere near the best compliment she’s received, I do intend it as a compliment.
here’s a small compliment for you: that soul jewel analogy is really nice.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Vyckie D. Garrison, Pursuit of Harpyness. Pursuit of Harpyness said: Friday Fun Thread: Soul-Jewels http://bit.ly/ac2QPn [...]
The one that probably made me the proudest, even though it annoyed the crap out of me at the time, was when my husband emailed everyone he knows, even his uber-conservative family, the link to my blog, proudly crowing about what a great writer I am. It was pretty sweet that he wanted everyone to read my stuff.
I used to live in a group house with other underemployed 20-somethings back in the day. One day I was down in the living room watching TV, flipping from channel to channel but not having much luck finding anything good. One of the young men who lived there came into the room and I offered to give him the remote since I wasn’t finding anything I liked, but he said: “No, you keep it, you’re pretty good with the remote.”
Honestly, where do you go from there?
My favorite auntie was in town because my cousin (her daughter) was graduating from the university at which I teach. We were running errands and such, and stopped to look for something at the (fairly new) Safeway in my town. I explained that I was unfamiliar with the store because I preferred to shop at the smaller, locally owned grocery stores in town because I believe in supporting my community and doing my best to spend my money in a way that reflects that. She looked me in the eye told me how much she admires me for living my values.
I’m a physics major, and pretty insecure about my writing skills. For a lit class while on a semester abroad, I shed blood, sweat and really-not-figurative tears over my final paper, and wasn’t really sure about it even then. It came back with the comment, “Thank you, you can write!! You have a talent and familiarity for critical prose.” I still pull it out and look at it when I’m feeling down.
I have two. When I’m escorting at the clinic, we often have patients thank us for being out and helping them fend off the crazies. We’re pretty tough, but even we sometimes get tired or cold or upset by something an anti says. the thanks mean everything to us.
On a personal level, our daughter has told me more than once that she thinks I’ve done a good parenting job. Those are the sweetest words a parent can hear.
However, dillene, no one in my house trusts me with the remote, so I think you win.
My best compliment was in 2004. Ha, I saved the chat it’s from because it was the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.
I won’t copy and paste it, because that would truly make me feel like an ass, but to summarize:
My former best friend told me that I was amazing and hadn’t changed for anyone as long as he’d known me which was “unbelievable”, and that I was easy to fall for because there was something different about me people pick up on.
When I was thirteen, pimply, awkward, and so short and tiny that it was commented on all the time, I was exiting a plane, smiled at a stewardess, only to have her exclaim, “You have such a gorgeous smile!”
I’ve heard it before since, but only someone who has been an adolescent girl can imagine how much I needed to hear it then, from a stranger who wasn’t invested in my well-being. I feel a little shallow that it was my looks that got my best compliment, but I’ve never forgotten how good and how relieved that woman made me feel.
Of course, any compliment from my son is worth its weight in gold these days. Kids are so horrifyingly honest that when he says nice things about me, I know it’s true.
Thanks, rod. I couldn’t decide if it was too corny.
1. I was in a class with a really hostile group – more issues with being a female military historian. I have a really low tolerance for BS, so I went to the professor of the class to talk to him about it and the general animosity facing women military historians. At one point he said “I don’t want to see someone with your skills pushed out of the field by people like them.” Meaning not just these few fellow students, but the highly respected members of the field who think that what I do and WHO I AM is not only a waste of time, but also damaging to the field as a whole.
2. The woman behind the counter at the deli told me last week that I have a really pretty voice. Completely random and AWESOME.
Mine is also kind of shallow. My baby sister who I never paid attention to because I was selfish and childish over her academic abilities and exotic looks told me one day while in conversation that the only reason she worked her ass off in school was because of the both of us I was the “conventional beauty” and everyone liked me. She elaborated by providing an example of how her friends would want to come over just to hang out by my bedroom door since according to them I was “so cool”. It was the sweetest and saddest compliment she had ever given me and about broke my heart. She did everything she did to get noticed and to me she is the most amazing young woman I know and I told her so after I apologized for years of petty and shallow actions. The entire conversation is forever locked in my mind and my heart.
I have a few of these, but a lot of them feel so personal that I don’t really feel comfortable putting them out on the internet.
One that isn’t quite as personal though: when one of the teachers I had asked for a reference during grad school apps last year wrote to tell me she had sent it off, she added that it was ‘incandescent’. That still kind of makes me smile.
also, Oceanbreeze, that is so sad! But how good that you two talked about it and managed to clear all of that up after so many years.
An co-worker at my summer job said that I came off as confidant, mature, and intelligent. As someone who has always been insecure and shy, I really appreciated it.
This morning I got feedback from my composition prof on a paper I’d turned in. Re the final paragraph she said “If you were a less talented writer, I’d compliment this passage on its sophistication, but you can do better, so change [x, y, and z].” It’ll be a pain to edit, but she made me feel all warm and fuzzy.
Mine is a little too much, and I know it’s not really true, but I would *love* for it to be true: Someone once told me I reminded them of Antonia from Willa Cather’s “My Antonia.” (Heart soar!!!!!!)
It’s one of my favorite novels and… she’s the embodiment of the pioneer spirit and the land, people! Wow. This compliment (really an off-the-cuff remark) occurred almost 25 years ago and to this day – wow.
I wrote a mini-review article when I started grad school. When the reviews came back the first reviewer said something along the lines of “This is very well-written; it could be read by either the beginner yet is informative for the advanced scientist in the field.” Made my year. Totally great for the self-confidence as a new scientist!!
This one is both happy and a little effed up for me. When I called off my engagement a few years ago, I called my father to tell him. Being the guy he is, he flatly asked “Why?”. I explained all the nonsense that I’m not going to explain here and he told me he was proud of me and that I was making a good decision. Somewhere in the back of my head, every time I have to make a difficult decision, I think of that moment and weigh my options knowing that I have the answer somewhere.
A few years ago I was at the chip shop for me and a pal and I ordered two large chips. The guy behind the counter said “Oh, is there a big bunch of you?” and I said “No, just me and my pal” to which he replied (I can still hear it) “What, a dainty little thing like you is going to eat all these chips?!”. Now of all the pleasing things you could call me, dainty is one I don’t hear very often. I was glowing all the way home!
My two favourites:
I was singing some country song on a tour bus with my class in France, because we didn’t have any music, and everyone else just stopped singing and listened. Then one of the girls I was with (also a musician) said, “You have an AMAZING voice.”
And then my friend saying, very sincerely, “[Isa] is the smartest person I have ever met.”
Probably not true, but flattering nonetheless.
I would like to say:
Believe the compliments!
I know sometimes, when people pay me compliments, I have a tendency to think, “Thanks for the compliment, but you are really overstating my talent/ looks/ abilities/ etc.” We are our own worst critics, and it’s time to stop being deprecating, and own the compliments. To that person you ARE good/ beautiful/ wonderful/ smart/ imaginative. My sister once said, if you believe something, the positive thinking helps make it true. The same goes for negative thinking; so believe the positive!
One of my best compliments: Once I skipped a class after taking an AP exam. I could have gone to class, but none of my friends were going and bowing to peer pressure, I decided to join them for an extended lunch.
The teacher found out (because one student decided to go to class). A teacher I really admired, and respected. And was obviously really hurt by the fact that pretty much all of us skipped class.
So I apologized. Apparently I was the only student to do so, and he wrote me a letter at the end of the year, telling me that he admired me for apologizing, and for the level of my improvement over the course of the year (I was able to bring my grade up one full letter because of my score on the final). It was a wonderful letter to receive after such a difficult year (both academically and personally). I ended up asking him to write my recommendation letters, and since I got into all the schools I applied to, I imagine he wrote pretty great recs for me.
I have a couple. One was not so much a treasured moment as a revelation. When I was 16 I went on an exchange to China. Right before I went, one of my aunts told me that she wasn’t surprised that I got through the selection process because I was ‘so confident’. She couldn’t have been more wrong, I was wracked by insecurities (duh, I was 16, and in love for the first time) but that was when I figured out that that’s what confidence IS. It’s knowing all the ways you are not perfect, and doing it anyway. That, and being on my own in a foriegn country, really set me up for adulthood.
And two from my manpanion. When I first brought him home and we talked until 5am, we ended up snuggling in bed. Still talking. Neither of us had started the evening with designs on each other, and I had invited him to crash at mine in the spirit of friendship. But by this time it was obvious we were going to be a Thing. As I was drifting off to sleep he said ‘I like your voice. It’s so soothing and lovely, with just the right hint of snark’. It was completely unexpected and heartfelt, and it floored me.
Then, this past weekend, I had a nightmare that we were in a zombie apocalypse and he got bit and I had to shoot him. It was completely terrifying. When I woke up and told him about it, he said ‘I am proud of you for doing the right thing’. Completely ridiculous, I know! But still, strangely comforting.
Oh, and another one! Sparked by something I read on the shakesville thread.
My dad commited suicide about 18 months ago, and sometimes I blog about it. One of my friends recently commented that she was so impressed with how well I have dealt with it. That is a compliment I hold to myself, and I take it out and look at it when I’m sad or don’t feel like I’m coping. That community of (mostly older, wiser) women around my blog has really helped me understand this grief thing and how to deal with it, and to be gentle with myseld. That compliment means a lot to me.