Networking is all about talking to other people. That’s the key. It doesn’t matter so much at first what you even talk about, or even who you’re talking to. Really! I’ve met people on planes, at conferences, at work, at social events – I’ve had initial conversations about claudagh rings, my job, someone/something we have in common, or something we’re both experiencing. I’ve talked to Deans, Provosts, post-docs, undergrads, secretaries, janitors, staff, faculty, and other grad students. Believe you me, I’ve used my contacts more than you’d think, especially the staff and students. As long as you’re willing to help out when they ask (and that’s the easiest way to ask for a favor – when you’ve already done someone a favor) it all works.

People are usually feeling JUST as lonely, awkward, and uncomfortable as you feel – anyone who comes up and is willing to break the ice gets bonus points! There is always something to talk about at first – that often has nothing to do with “why” you’re networking, and unless the person you’re talking to is a complete asshat, they will eventually ask a question in return that lets you mention your “why” easily.

Once you’ve made that contact you go from stranger to acquaintance – and your network is really just a big bunch of acquaintances!! When you “need” something, you put it out to your network – whether it’s job opportunities or something to do that weekend, you let people know and let them decide whether/how much they can/will help. Technology has made this easier of course – and some things are good for a mass appeal where others are better suited to a focused group whom you meet for coffee/lunch.

If you can forget yourself, you can be a kickass networker. That way, when you do talk about you, all you’re doing is stating the facts – you can think about it in the third person even if that helps. But, the best thing you can get from your network is advocates – people who will help you get where you want to go by vouching for you. THAT’S the best way to talk about yourself – let others do the talking.

Hope that novel was helpful…

Within my field, I definitely know what you’re talking about. I’ve started applying for fellowships and I feel like SUCH a jackass the whole time — sending my credentials to my letter-writers, writing the “You should give me money because I’m awesome” essays…all of it. The way I normally deal with it is by trying to be as matter-of-fact as possible and essentially just faking as if being awesome is no big thing when I’m talking to people who aren’t my direct superiors in my field. That cuts down on the me-feeling-like-a-jackass quotient and also, I hope, the me-coming-off-like-a-jackass quotient as well.

1) In general social situations (party/dinners out with a group), simply let people know you are unemployed. A couple of things are important here. Be sure to say you are unemployed (rather than “looking”) because it *gently* conveys urgency. A LOT of people are perpetually “looking” for something better and you want to differentiate yourself from those folks. Most everyone will get the subtext of “out of work” because… they’ve been there.

The setting and timing really has to feel right. I think it would be hard to network at a dance party like you describe here, unless you get a chance to sit down to eat or drink in a quiet place for a bit. The only way I know to non-awkwardly bring something like this up is during the “So what have you been up to’s”/”What do you do’s?” I usually simply say, I’m unemployed right now, which usually garners a round of sympathetic replies, generally including, “What kind of work do you do?” Here I can say, “I’m a ____” and then say, “If you know of anything, remember me!” with a dorky smile. On occasion, someone will know of something or give you some kind of lead about companies you might not have heard of before. Keep all of this light and make sure the convo gets turned back to other topics/people fairly quickly. People do love to talk about their work, though, so it’s often part of convo that might happen naturally anyhow. I’ve never gotten a job directly this way, but I have learned about companies and industries I didn’t know about/consider applying to and that helped.

2) Remain in friendly contact with old co-workers. This is the one that’s hard, one that you can’t force, and it’s something you need to begin doing even before you are out of work. If you are *already friendly* with people in your industry, especially old co-workers/old bosses, you can drop them an e-mail/take them to lunch and let them know your situation. This is great because they are in a position to hear of potential openings that you are not. This is I think what people mean when they say “build your network.” This is how I got my last job. I asked a woman at a business my prior company used to work with to be a reference for me. We were already kind of friends and she wanted to see me and have lunch, and she let me know of some open positions in her company. Now, I still had to interview for the job and everything, but it helped to have a recommendation from a respected worker within the company.

I think I had dinner two nights ago with a master networker. He was someone I used to work with and liked very much and we had recently re-connected on FB – after six years of no contact. He really wanted to get together and hang out. It was truly fun to see him again. We talked about our work situations: what we have recently been doing and what we want to do now. He’s kind of looking now, too, and is one of those who always has his eyes and ears open. He told me he wanted to help and if he heard of anything I’d be interested in he’d let me know. I told him I’d do the same for him. After we parted I thought, “Hey! I just networked and didn’t even know it!” We had a good time and, really, I think this is how networking works… It should be simple and fun and doesn’t necessarily lead you directly to a job, it just opens avenues you might not have access to otherwise.

I want to add that most of the jobs I’ve ever gotten have been via simply applying online. Also, the most people in your network can really do is let you know about an opening and then be a reference. You will still have to give the company your resume and still have to interview! Finally, I think that a lot of the networking advice you read about on the web is geared towards small business owners/sales people and simply won’t work for your average working stiff.

Probably TL;DR, but I think the word networking scares people and it’s a lot simpler than we make it out to be. It doesn’t have to be a big deal and it may or may not lead you to anything, but if it does, great! And you can really feel like you’ve exhausted every potential avenue in your search.

I’ve also worked out, that this so called “networking” thing, isn’t really networking. There are some people that go on the prowl promoting whatever thing comes to mind/themselves and always about what’s in it for them. And as it turns out, they’re not very good at it, and most people don’t like to build a relationship with them.
What seems to be good networking, is more like developing/building relationships with people who have similar interests (usually paid work related), and may help each other out (but it’s not the primary aim). Similar to your friends, but you don’t get absolutely schmuntered with them and they don’t see you cry.
I’m still doing baby steps and still have problems “networking”, because I hate self-promotion.