word. i know full well even when i *do* have shaved legs etc (not that often) that the main reason i appreciate the look and/or feel of it is that pretty much every fucking godddamned waking moment of my life has reinforced that individual “feeling”, despite growing up with feminism and an exposure to women who chose not to shave for whatever reason.

i also remember when bikini waxing wasn’t as common, let alone the whole enchilada getting removed. makes me nostalgic for a time prior to everyone “choosing their choice” about removing pubes.

so yeah, it’s possibly to choose to go along with something more socially conditioned and acceptable and yet be fully aware that at the end of the day it’s not important or even surreal.

I think a racial lens is missing from the analysis– it’s not just little girls, babies, etc who don’t have hair. A lot of East Asian people (men, women, and everyone else) don’t have a lot of body hair. In fact, when I (a white woman) was growing up, a lot of my East Asian-American female friends would clip their eyelashes in order to try to get them to grow more, and would shave their arms in hopes of having more arm hair.

A lot of non-East Asian men’s fetishization of East Asian women may have something to do with this– being attracted to women who are racialized through looks/phenotype and stereotypes to seem more easily dominated and submissive.

I have super-pale skin and very dark hair – and lots of it. LOTS. Every hairdresser who has ever cut the hair on my head has remarked upon it. That means that if I didn’t shave my legs, they would look hairier than most men’s. I also have more hair on my chin than your average 80 year-old (I pluck daily, and rather obsessively – when I am sitting at my computer reading I often run my hand along my face and tweeze whatever stray hairs I find – I’m so practised at this point that I don’t even need a mirror). I even shave my arms, people.

So yes, the patriarchy has totally got to me and made me embarrassed of my hair, but on the other hand my situation really is quite extreme (I long for the day I can afford laser treatments/electrolysis).

That said, I can’t stand the idea of a bikini wax – I once tried to wax my legs and the pain was terrible, I can’t imagine what it would be like ‘down there’. Keeping things neat and tidy is absolutely enough for me, and I do think there is something sketchy about the expectation that women will go through the pain and expense of bikini waxes regularly to meet a ridiculous ideal.

I used to wonder if I should do it, since so many other people seemed to, but Germany cured me of that. Women there are much more relaxed about the hair thing and seeing other women totally unshaved in the hamam made me realise just how culturally conditioned this all is. It was really very liberating. (Actually, I recommend naked saunas for getting over body complexes in general, you see such a variety of body types there that I think it helps you to accept your own).