The other thing is that we don’t judge our sons when they do traditionally boy things. There’s no angst there. My husband was the one who pointed it out to me – I was thrilled the day my son came home in a Princess dress, but he was concerned that I’d have been appalled if it were my daughter. I love that my son plays with dolls (here in the liberal northwest, it was possible to find a blue-clothed one), his toy kitchen and vacuum cleaner, and likes to dress like me. But at the same time, it doesn’t bother me when he plays with trains, trucks, and anything else with wheels. My feelings about my daughter’s future pastimes are a lot more complicated. And if I’m thrilled when my son wants makeup, then I can’t judge when my daughter does too.

For Marie, I do feel like you shouldn’t worry too much about your daughter – if she’s obsessed with the doll right now it’s just because it’s still new, and as long as she has lots of playtime options, you’re doing right by her. Worrying about your mother, on the other hand, seems quite reasonable.

Yeah, by age 11 I was a sci-fi nerd. Personality wins out in the end, so I think you’re okay.

I think you mother might need a gentle reminder that children are not an extension of self, that from birth they are separate human beings with their own personalities and no amount of wishing and steering will make them someone they’re not. In fact, said steering will only make the child uncomfortable; to this day my mother and I have arguments about the gulf between the daughter I feel she wanted and the woman I am. >_<

The doll is demonic looking, but it’s clearly just one step in a broader agenda your mother has. I’d be more concerned about that larger agenda and try to set some boundaries. A doll or princess-y thing here and there over the course of your daughter’s childhood is probably ok, and grandmas (and their feelings) are important, but this is your child, not your mother’s. She should respect your wishes.