To all the UNSELFISH MOMS out there who traded sleep for dark circles, salon haircuts for ponytails, long showers for quick showers, late nights for early mornings, designer bags for diaper bags & WOULDN’T CHANGE A THING. Lets see how many Moms can actually post this. Moms who DON’ T CARE about what they gave up and instead, LOVE what they got in return! Post this if you LOVE your LIFE as a mom ♥
There’s also a variation that has the last line reading “Post this if the best thing is being a mom” or something to that effect. Normally this would just make me roll my eyes and move on…but perfectly reasonable friends of mine are posting this stuff, and it boggles my brain that some of the smartest women I know are implying that it’s healthy to shelve yourself for motherhood.
Shall I deconstruct this one bit at a time?
“To all the UNSELFISH MOMS out there “
Okay, so already we’re starting on a condescending tone. This is fantastic. The nice emphasis on caps giving that air of holier-than-thou bullshit just makes the rest a goldmine.
“ who traded sleep for dark circles”
Unless you have a partner who parents with you equally. Especially after the birth of G and before he got a job, my hubster slept all day to make sure he could stay up all night….and I could sleep. Still had dark circles, but I didn’t trade sleep. Selfish? No. I have a functional relationship. Now that he works, I do get up, but he does this nifty thing where he takes over and helps me when he gets home. It’s an equal partnership, hardly selfish.
But what about the moms who don’t HAVE that luxury? They HAVE to trade in sleep for dark circles? Maybe even trade in education for a McJob to provide for her kids? Or the women who ARE in relationships but the dude’s a douche who’s tiiiiired after woooork and he doesn’t wanna discpliiiiiine otherwise the kids won’t looooooove him because he’s never aroooouuuund because of his careeeeeeer?!
Yeah, thanks for reminding them how “unselfish” their sacrifice happens to be.
“salon haircuts for ponytails”
What does this even mean?! Again, some women can’t even afford salon cuts and are probably loving the reminder of their lack of options. For the moms who can, is it really your business? Personally, I love my salon cut hair. It cuts the 5 minutes of my day that it takes to put INTO an effective enough pony tail to last the day. I can get up and go, I’m not so SELFISH THAT I NEED TO TAKE TIME AWAY FROM MY KIDS TO MAKE A PONY TAIL OMG HOW DARE YOU!!! Yeah, that line sounds JUST as ridiculous as the one in the status, doesn’t it?
“long showers for quick showers”
Again, this is ridiculous. Wanna know the secret to long showers in parenthood? Lean in a little closer…….wait til the kids are sleeping. They’ll be fine for half an hour, you don’t need to be latched onto their sides. OR if you have the luxury of a partner who is also not a douche, asking “hey, can you take care of the kids? I want a long hot shower” is SUPER effective.
“late nights for early mornings”
Some people can do both too. I have a lot of late nights and still get up with G from Monday-Friday (and sometimes saturday). Otherwise, hubster will relieve me of waking up and let me sleep, because he also can raise the kids. It’s not just me here. Though, what about the single moms who work late nights and have to do early mornings? Way to erase people.
“designer bags for diaper bags”
This made me lol. Most moms can’t afford designer bags to begin with. Those who can, it’s their business. Or how about if your designer bag can double as a diaper bag? Or if your diaper bag IS a designer bag? Classist on all spectrums and ridiculous.
“Lets see how many Moms can actually post this.”
All moms CAN post it, doesn’t mean they WILL. Though I imagine that the moms who post this have mysteriously bought into this idea that motherhood is all about giving up every single thing you like and want.
“Moms who DON’ T CARE about what they gave up and instead, LOVE what they got in return! “
Because teaching your kids that your individuality doesn’t matter is SO HEALTHY. Because refusing to acknowledge that some women do NOT have any choices in this matter makes this such a superior lifestyle. Because SHAMING women who do sleep at night, take long showers, stay up at night and buy nice things is helping us at all. I love my kids, I love raising my kids, and I love raising them while still having a life.
“Post this if you LOVE your LIFE as a mom”
Precisely why I WON’T post this. I love my life as me, being a mom is just a part of it. This part and the whole “being a mom is the best thing ever!!” burns me the most. Motherhood has not, and will never, define me. It’s more like a career aspect. It’s what I do, it’s a qualification, not my identity. Nor is it the best thing ever. For moms who are alone in raising their kids with very little support and have to make REAL sacrifices it is not the best thing ever. For moms who have a partner but still feel alone, whether they have to balance career or stay at home, this is not the best thing ever.
Hell, let’s be realistic. Parenting is both overblown and thankless. It’s not the greatest thing you will ever accomplish in your life. It’s also a lot of headaches, repetition, bad days, etc for good moments. It is work. It’s the trenches of bringing up a life that you’re responsible for. When I hear the “best thing ever”, I think of swimming at a quiet beach, making love to by husband, a perfectly seared Châteaubriand served with buttery potatoes and peppery steamed veggies, I think of maple pie…..best things ever give you joy 100% of the time.
Parenthood. Doesn’t. Do. That. It’s great and all, I do love my kids, I wouldn’t change a thing about having them, but raising them is not the best thing ever and sometimes….I don’t love it. I know moms would read this and would LOVE to tear me apart over that, but guess what, I would rather be grounded in reality and called a shitty mom by those types than be kidding myself and shaming other women.
So I propose a new status:
To all those moms who DIDN’T sacrifice sleep, hot showers, or nice things, that doesn’t make you less of a mom and don’t let anyone imply that you are a selfish person. Showing your kids, especially the girls, that you can be more than one thing is the best gift you can give them. To the moms who DON’T have the choice and make REAL sacrifices like time with your kids, education and personal goals because of their situation without feeling the need to belittle other women’s options, YOU are the real meaning of an UNSELFISH MOTHER.