My ideal bedroom would be very feminine with lots of pretty details, but with a punk-rock twist too. Maybe some leopard throw pillows to spiff things up. I know that I would definitely LOVE my own bathroom. We live in an apartment with only one bathroom, which can be awkward.

The more I think about it, having a separate bedroom wouldn’t be so bad provided I don’t sleep in there on a daily basis. I could have my own little reading nook and I could store most of my stuff in there so he wouldn’t complain about clutter anymore. Plus, I could read or watch TV and surf the Internet without disturbing him. Hmmm…;)

My husband and I share the same bed. It has pros and cons. I suffer with insomnia and I can’t always fall asleep when he does. I like to cuddle but I don’t enjoy being smothered, especially when it is hot. He complains about me staying up too late reading but it is only because I can’t sleep.

I don’t see anything wrong with separate beds because different people have different needs.

But I will say this…when I first visited my in-laws, I was a bit weirded out by the arrangements. DH was 38 years old and not allowed to be in the same room with me. Now that we’ve been married almost two years, we can share a bedroom but we still have to sleep on these extremely uncomfortable twin beds divided by a table in the middle. My body is stiff after being on one of those things. They remind me of hospital cots. I find it to be a very weird arrangement when we visit, but I figure that his mother is just very old-school and not with the times. She is also a fundamentalist Christian so that makes for some interesting stuff too.

His parents sleep in the same bed, with the exception of a few times when they didn’t. I don’t understand why married couples that stay in their home are forced to sleep in separate beds and uncomfortable beds at that. I’m not kidding, the beds are so hard. I don’t see how anyone could sleep on them. I’m thankful that we will be staying at a hotel this year while my SIL and her husband will be staying with the in-laws. I love my in-laws, but I will not miss the rock-hard beds and the weirdness of it all.

But that is my only personal issue with separate beds, because of my in-laws. Their arrangements are kind of “unique”, for lack of a better word. They tend to impose their values and beliefs on others. What other couples do in their own home is none of my business and I actually think it’s pretty cool that some couples have separate beds or bedrooms, as long as the marriage is happy.

My mother’s paternal grandparents had separate houses, not just separate beds. They also had a marriage which lasted longer because they were at opposite ends of their small Australian country town (I believe old Grandpop’s explanation was that he loved his wife, but he couldn’t stand to live with her). Given they largely lived out their lives in the years prior to easy divorce, and given also they were Christadelphians (or in other words, my mother’s family were Christian fundamentalists long before it was cool) and therefore couldn’t divorce even if they wanted to, it was a workable solution to the whole issue.

Himself and Myself both snore – which meant on the occasions we shared a bed, it was a race to see who wound up falling asleep first. The first one to sleep would be able to sleep; the other one got to spend a largely sleepless night and get up grumpy and irritable the next morning. So now we have separate beds, separate bedrooms, and where possible, we have these on separate floors of the house. Thus we both get to sleep, and we both get to wake up after having had enough sleep to survive on.

My grandparents slept in separate rooms towards the end of my grandfather’s life (as he was dying of lung cancer), and they slept in separate beds long before that, but they loved each other until death.

I, on the other hand, have a great deal of difficulty kicking my boo out of bed even though she snores and moves around a lot in her sleep and eventually takes up so much space that I hardly have any room for myself. She’s a heat-thief and a cuddler, so she hates sleeping alone. And I don’t know how to say “no” to her when she gives me that puppy-eyes look. Her former sleeping partners really spoiled her because they let her sleep on top of them, which doesn’t work for me because she’s gained a lot of weight in the last three years. The worst part is when she wakes up in the middle of the night and wants to play, and she growls and whines at me when I tell her that I’m too tired. I really should have gotten a cat.

Recently, he got one of those mouth guards that pulls the jaw forward to keep the airway open and prevent snoring. It WORKS, people. Now we sleep in the same bed unless he’s got a cold and has a stuffy nose, because the mouthguard necessitates nighttime nose breathing, and he can’t wear it when he can’t breathe through his nose.

I think my favorite thing about sleeping in the same bed again is the morning snuggle time that we have back. I’m like a baby with my need for skin to skin contact.

So: sleeping apart: it can rock and be a total marriage saver, contrary to stereotypes. BUT, if snoring is what is keeping you apart and you’d rather be together, try one of those mouthguards. You can get them for cheaps on Amazon.

Like everything else, we go through phases, from super-snuggly to don’t-touch-me, and there are always at least two cats in bed with us at night, so it’s cozy, regardless.

And having my own room for the sake of having my own room is just always a good idea.