I love the Dude, but I find V-Day kinda barfy.
First of all: I understand. Today is Valentine’s Day, the apex of the Offensive Lady- Stereotypes Season. Whether or not you have a sweetheart, today can be stupid and alienating. I swear, if anyone makes any fucking jokes about the sexual favors I might/should render unto the Dude, I’m gonna punch some throats.
Now, if you do love V-Day, awesome for you. Go, enjoy! This is a BISH PLZ-only post.
Is the room clear? Okay. You don’t have to remove your black clothes or your bitchface, but you might consider turning a blind eye to all the horrible cheap chocolate and fugly lingerie out there, and instead approaching today as one of the following two holidays…
Option 1: Lupercalia. Like most religiously-inflected holidays in the West, St. Valentine’s Day is actually a co-opted pagan festival. Named for Lupa Romans, the she-wolf who suckled Romulus and Remus, Lupercalia was a holiday dedicated to purification and fertility (wait! I’m going somewhere cool with this!) that involved flogging yourself with bit of goatskin, feasting, and general shenanigans.
Perhaps avoid the goatskin stuff, and embrace the feasting and shenanigans (howsoever you define them). If you’re interested in the purification, though, why not plan your evening around a hot bath or a good scrub in the shower? And if you’re up for fertility? Ummmm. Maybe eat some figs or something. Or, you could interpret “fertility” a bit more broadly (as I usually do) and think of it as “that which results in positive / creative output” of any sort: writing, art, music, cuisine… So maybe you could practice your ukulele, or make yourself some brownies, or write some fan-fic. Lupercalia: You love you.
Option 2: Ystävänpäivä. (No, I don’t really know how that’s pronounced, except that the accent is on the first syllable.) That’s “Friendship Day” in Finnish. Another thing to love about the Finns (other than Echidne of the Snakes, Marimekko, cloudberries, and saunas, which already has me like whoa): they put a little less focus on this (straight) couple-privileging thing. Friendship Day! Sex? Romance? Those are great, but this is a day to cherish your besties, whatever their sex or gender, and what could be nicer than that? So go have a drink with them, or order in Chinese food and catch up on news. Send an email or give a call, and remind each other of old jokes and good times. Ystävänpäivä: You love them, just not that way.
I love you crazy harpies. Happy February 14! Now, where’s my goatskin?
I’ve never been much on V-Day either. It’s just another day of work for me. I’m kind of surprised by the number of women I am friends with on facebook and tumblr who posted something along the lines of the more roses they receive, the more chocolates they receive, the more expensive the card, and the more expensive the restaurant … the more their boyfriend or husband loves them. I don’t mind whether or not people celebrate V-Day, but I don’t think how much money someone spends on you in 24 hours should be used as a determination of how much that person loves you.
That said, I do like the idea of Friendship Day.
Happy Finnish holiday I can’t pronounce to all you awesome Harpies out there! Friendship day sounds WAY better than Valentine’s Day to me!
I married someone allergic to roses, which saved me roughly 120K over the years I figure. Isn’t Valentines Day just another example of a kids holiday (Charlie Brown to mailbox, Helloooo in There) taken amuck by adults acting like kids? Adults know dont they that unexpected gifts trump ‘required’ ones, love is a yearlong endeavor, and chocolate Easter Rabbits far exceed candy hearts anyway. Just my opinion, I feel societys pressure to grab daisys every year about this time.
Actually, it’s just the second Monday in February to me. Nothing more, nothing less. I don’t need a special celebration day, especially I wear black and bitchface the other 364 days too…
joe – I definitely prefer Easter candy too. Good thing it’s already out in stores.
This is my first non-partnered Valentine’s Day in my adult life. I was feeling a bit down about that, until I realized that my plan for tonight (to see if my friend-with-benefits wants to pop over to my place later) straddles traditional Valentine’s Day activities with the Finnish “Friendship Day”. No roses or fancy dinners, but fun sex & friendship. Happy Ystävänpäivä (with benefits) to me!
I’m not a fan of the unnecessary consumerism, but I think it’s wonderful that we assign a day in the year just to acknowledge the important people in our lives. I used to argue about this with a rabbi friend of mine, who claimed that it was un-Jewish. Maybe it is, but love of all kinds is certainly celebrated in the Torah, and if we don’t have a time to do as our ancestors did, we’re missing an opportunity.
Having said that, I never think that the purchase of any quantity of chocolate is unnecessary consumerism.
Happy love-of-all-kinds day!
Having kids in the house, Valentine’s Day is always less about the adult stereotypes and more about the ‘let’s make fun paper Valentine’s for friends!’. I think THAT is the fun of the holiday. It is more like Friendship Day that way. I have such fond memories of getting Valentine’s in my shoebox mailbox at school, sometimes with a heart-shaped sucker attached!
As for the adult version of V-day, it always feels so forced and fake to me. I’m not immune to the societal messages however, and some years yearn for the spouse to deliver some societal approved token of love. He does some years, as do I in reciprocity. It is usually more of a family thing…. one year we adopted a dog on V-day
I’ll agree with Ms M – I’ve never actually celebrated valentine’s day in my life until this year when my three year old got incredibly excited about making cards for her friends, covering me and the house with glitter in the process. And I surprised myself by enjoying that. Still have no interest in celebrating the day myself mind you, although I rather like the idea of Lupercalia…
I’ve been partnered now for 10 years, but this will never be my favorite holiday. Too many years of single V-Days, and too many memories of flower day popularity contests in middle and high school. This day always brings out the miserable 12-year-old lurking deep inside.
I was always indifferent to V-Day, but I do find myself missing my late husband a lot today — which is funny, because he thought V-Day was nothing but consumerist bullshit. He would go the next day and get me a big box of cheap chocolate, though.
Had a hair appointment today and when I scheduled it a week ago the receptionist was all concerned I might have plans for today cause it’s VDAY. When I responded with a short no, I got *poor you noises* while she scheduled my appointment FOR LUNCHTIME. Hell, when I had a S.O. we never had plans for lunch on V-day IF we had plans at all.
Put me down as another for the Friendship Day. Bitchface and all.
Thanks PhDork! I’m part Finnish and it makes me all warm & fuzzy to learn more about my roots. (My great-grandma emigrated from Finland.)
Count me as another indifferent person. I can’t get mad at people for celebrating it but have no desire to myself. Lupercalia and Ystävänpäivä (the Y sounds like a long U and the Ä is like the A in bat, if you care to try), on the other hand, sound great.
I’m kinda indifferent to it. Even when I was single I never felt “more” lonely or anything.
I like the excuse to go out to dinner, but that’s just because I really like to go out to eat. No dishes to do!
However I find the idea that the holiday is “too commercial” somewhat funny. What holiday celebrated in the US (I can’t speak to other countries) isn’t ridiculously commercial?
edit: not that anyone here was suggesting it was “too commercial” that’s just the most prevalent critique I see leveled against it.