I’ve been having this internal debate recently on whether or not it is acceptable or not to stay friends with a friend or relative’s former partner. When my uncle divorced his second wife, my family was devastated because the realization of their divorce meant we wouldn’t see her anymore. And would it be awkward if I called my now ex-aunt and asked her to hang out? I mean, we were really close, but I don’t even know if that’s okay, especially since the divorce was brutal and she and my uncle are no longer on speaking terms. Even worse is that he married again and I’m pretty sure that my family is constantly comparing his third wife to his second wife (um, his first wife is no longer mentioned) and not in a good way.
I was thinking about this because one of my close friends recently broke up with her boyfriend of three years, mainly because he wanted to get married and she wasn’t ready. The only problem is that everyone in our circle of friends liked him. Now we’re faced with the dilemma of:
- Do we add him on Facebook? Is that wrong?
- Should we still invite him to hang out in social settings?
- If so, should we not invite her because they are no longer on speaking terms?
- If we don’t invite her, wouldn’t that make us bad friends because we were friends with her first?
- If we do hang out with him, would he feel awkward since he knows we are still friends with her?
- Is it okay to email every so often to see how he’s doing?
- Should we just let it go and figure he’ll be better off without us constantly reminding him of that relationship?
One of my other friends, who is close with her ex-boyfriend’s mom, gave details on their relationship (they get manicures and such together), but I think that’s a little different, right? I don’t think it’s that big of a deal to stay in touch with an ex’s mom. Help me harpies! I have friendship and family drama right now and am in need of advice.