As suggested by awesome regular reader and commenter rodriguez, and in honor (?) of that big nuptial to-do across the pond (since I guess the bride’s family crest–which doesn’t exist–needs to be integrated into the groom’s? IBTP.)
If you’re middle-class (at best, like Ms. Middleton and me) you’re gonna have to make one up out of whole cloth. So what would your coat of arms look like? You can take a gander at the various heraldic imagery at sites like these, and then decide what to choose, but they offer a pretty limited number of options.
Bars and stripes and rampant and couchant lions, oh my! Crests: the tattoos of the fancy, old-money set.
The shield up there is totally bogus of course, but the dragon seemed the closet thing to a harpy, and I thought a Latin translation of “Killer of Boners” was a totally klassy touch. If I were to do it from scratch and purely my choosing, I’d probably have to stick in a book, or a pen, and probably a 2-liter of Diet Coke, as my weapons of choice. And probably a cat. Or a dinosaur. Giving the finger.
So, for this week’s FFT: describe your personal coat of arms. I s’pose you could approach this seriously, if you wanted to, but don’t feel constrained. Pick your colors, your patterns, your animals, your icons, your slogan, whatevs.
An albino gorilla in a Mike Singletary jersey benchpressing an ice cream truck while sitting on the toilet, sexting Faye Dunaway circa Network. Slogan = “Change Doth Exist Under thy Couch Cushions”.
That’s the spirit!
Clitoris Rampant, with the slogan “It’s Not About You.”
A woman wearing huge rollers in her hair and sticking out her tongue. My colors are shocking orange and pink. My motto is: Me bow to you, fuck no. You bow to me, fuck no.
Our son did one of these for his middle school graduation. His slogan was “Absent That Day”. The school wouldn’t put it up with the rest of them. We thought it was hilarious.
I’d want my colors to be violet and gold, colors of the British suffrage movement, with the added benefit of purple being historically associated with lesbians
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I’ve always like otters, so what the hell I’d got with them as an animal. otters rampant.
My motto would be “A little bit more than too much” or possibly “SMFO” (points for anyone who gets the second reference!).
Bright blue, lime, and orchid, with a squirrel rampant bracketed by a dip pen and a paintbrush.
Motto? Possibly “So Say We All.”
Or maybe “Think Before You Act, Fuckers.”
No, wait, I’ve got it!
“Why? Why NOT?”
I think mine would symbolise my preferred activity of all – an unidentifiable girl’s head firmly enscounced in a book (maybe a glass of vino slightly out of reach) or possibly tippy tapping away on a lap top, with a lot of activity going on around her that is ignored.
Of course the colour scheme would have to be wallflower [
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