Basically: I have no help to offer, but I don’t think it’s at all abnormal to feel how you are feeling!

It sounds like you may not have had time to “vet” your mum’s new companion in a way where you can feel absolutely confident with the situation.

My family is crazy with the way that people get together, divorced/stop seeing each other, that it is now the norm for us kids to accept whomever is the partner (short or long term) of the family member involved.
This hasn’t meant that we’ve necessarily felt comfortable with the partners of our siblings (have I got a story about my dad’s wife [the woman he married after my mum] and us kids, and my older brother’s first wife and me).

By the sounds of things, life will go on, and you will still enjoy the same relationship with your mum that you always have.

NN–I think some of it is that I’m used to the dynamic of Mama being on her own. She was, for almost 14 years–if there were boyfriends, I didn’t hear about them. Mama has always been very private. But now I’m seeing her in a different light, too: she’s just retired, now marrying, and really entering a new phase of life. Growing pains.

Of course, when my dad ran off when I was five, he got married sometime after the dust settled from the divorce, and I didn’t have much of an adjustment period.

It’s always strange to think that a parent is going to marry someone else. I think that’s where the whole concept of marriage induces complications in people’s lives — somehow, we treat it with such importance that the idea of our parents being married to anyone but themselves causes us endless frustration and angst because of all the attendant problems.

The good news is that of course it primarily depends on your mom. If she is strongly bonded to you, then you needn’t fear. Even if family events do change, hopefully it will simply give you insight into her manpanion’s crazy family. (Since everyone’s family is crazy.)

When my dad remarried when I was all of 15, he was determined that our relationship wouldn’t change. So it didn’t.

The other part of that equation, of course, was his wife. She was a wonderful woman who whole-heartedly supported and encouraged his strong relationships with his family. Because of her urging, we got more-regular phone calls, more-appropriate gifts (my dad is always timely, not always as clueful), and generally enjoyed a more tightly-knit family group.

Now that dad has (sadly) left said wife and moved on to someone else, I’m afraid we get less of his attention, partly because this partner of his is more elusive, evoking more focused attention from him.

But that’s also an older man’s approach.

What I’m trying to say, probably not very helpfully, is that it will all depend on 1) the value your mother places on keeping your relationship the same, and 2) how connected this man is to his family, 3) how he views your family – as an invited addition to the group, or a distraction for his bride’s attention, and then 4) how your mother deals with him and his influence.

Hopefully he’s a warm individual who values family in a similar way to your mother.

It will likely help if you can spend some time with them as a couple, get to know him better, lay out the peaceful, everyone-is-welcome mat. Discover what makes them tick as a couple, and especially him, as an individual and as a member of his family.

I know, duh. But really, the only thing that will allay your fears is time. And the more time you can log with them, the better. Of course it’s hard to do that long-distance, but even a long weekend will make a difference.

I hope this helps, instead of just telling you what you already know.