Street harassment always increases in my Brooklyn neighborhood in the summer. Maybe because it’s hot, maybe because we’re all outside, maybe because women wear shorts and tank tops and skeevy motherfuckers take that as an invitation.
Today I was coming back from the store, nearly staggering under the weight of my groceries, and there were some dudes standing in front of my building who made some kissy noises as I went by. I ignored them. But as I went to open the front door, one of them caught my eye and began to croon, “Ay mamí linda, ven acá.” It wasn’t aggressive so much as just plain skeevy and unwelcome, and since I’d already ignored the kissy noises, it pissed me off that he wouldn’t quit. Also, it was hot, and I hadn’t eaten for a couple hours; it’s a bad idea to fuck with me when I’m sweaty and have low blood sugar. I gave him my best bitch face and yelled, “¿Qué dijiste?”, daring him to repeat it. He looked a little startled and then gave me a conciliatory smile and said, in English, “I just said ‘mami linda,’” like he was supposed to get a cookie for being such a nice guy. He actually looked hopeful, like, hey, he’d gotten my attention and maybe this would end in a date. Frankly, that was what pissed me off the most. I gave him the bitch face again, and said in Spanish “Do you know me? No? Then leave me alone!” and we began to quarrel in Spanglish, at high volume.
Just then, the front door opened and out walked two beat cops from the local precinct. I have no idea why they were there, although there’s a drinks machine in the laundry room and sometimes cops come in for a soda when it’s hot. The two cops looked at both of us, and asked what was going on. I fumed that this guy needed to back the fuck off, he pleaded that he was just being nice and I was crazy, which then led to me cussing him out in Spanish some more. One of the cops said, “Oh, are you Spanish?” to me, which I took to mean my cussing at least sounded fluent. I didn’t answer the question, because I didn’t want it to seem like I was just some white chick being snooty about non-white men, which is often how people dismiss my anger about harassment, as though I wouldn’t complain if the harasser was white (which I have plenty of times when I lived in white neighborhoods, but where I live now is almost exclusively non-white, so the neighborhood skeevsters usually are, too). I just told the cops–both of them Asian, for the record—that I was pissed about the disrespect and the way he kept doing it even after I didn’t respond. The other cop said to the harasser, “Look, my man, you can’t just act that way to women walking down the street.” The other said to me, “We got this. Why don’t you go inside?”
At this point, I had cooled off a little and was concerned about my ice cream melting, so I picked up my bags, shot one last stare of death at the harasser, and went inside. I sort of hung out around the entrance—they couldn’t see me—and listened to the cops explain politely, but in no uncertain terms, that the dude needed to leave women alone, that what he was doing was wrong, even if he thought it was just being friendly. I’m not normally a fan of the NYPD—the recent NYPD rape case has really soured me, and the precinct where I live has never quite lived down its reputation for police brutality—but in this case, those guys got it right.
Seriously. Slow clap for those dudes. Very well played. (And for you, with your badass Spanish!)
Is there any way you can send feedback to your precinct? A little positive reinforcement couldn’t hurt.
@Dorothea: You know, that hadn’t occurred to me, but you’re absolutely right. I will send a letter to the precinct captain. I wish I’d noticed the cops’ names but the time and date and a description would probably identify them to their bosses.
What a heartening story. Good for you, and good for those cops. Seconded on the positive reinforcement! Can’t hurt to let them know that people notice when cops are doing a good job!
“Do you know me? No? Then leave me alone!”
I need to learn this cold in several languages.
Good for you, and good for the cops. I also endorse the idea of letting their supervisor know how well they did. That may encourage the supervisors to pass that along to the street cops.
I wish I could curse in several languages.
BAMF. I wonder if the lesson stuck with the guy at all.
Wow, cops did what they are supposed to do! Man-cops!
Still, with our society, it wouldn’t hurt to let the dept. know that you appreciate it. Might encourage more to actually do their anti-street harassment part of the job.
And way to go with the bad-ass cursing!
Wow, totally impressive, Becky! Rockin’ the Spanish, and providing positive reinforcement to the precinct. That’s awesome.
This fills me with all kinds of happy
This is all kinds of awesome. Way to go, Becky, for putting your foot down. And yay for pleasant surprises when dealing with cops. ^^
Yeah, Becky, let us know if you encounter the same guys again and how they behave.
Atta girl, Becky!
Is it me, or is it a little racist (not on your part) of people to say that the reason you don’t tolerate street harrassment is that you’re white, and only white people would be so culturally insensitive as to take it as an affront?
Yes, I realize that’s not the main point of the post.
@Hershele: I think there are two racist stereotypes at work there. One, that white women are terrified of/need to be protected from big, scary non-white men, and two, that non-white women are fair game for harassment that society would never tolerate if it were aimed at white women.
I have been told more than once that I shouldn’t care about being harassed by Latino men, since that’s just part of their culture and they don’t mean anything by it. To which I say that harassing/objectifying women is part of the universal culture of Patriarchy, not some unique Latino cultural institution that I, as a non-Latino, must treat respectfully.
In May, I went to Ghana with a study abroad group. The street harassment by men drove me nuts. I am a fat woman and larger women are seen as prosperous and attractive in some societies – not to mention my whiteness and being American signals wealth (oh how wrong they are about the wealth part!). Suffice it to say, I am used to being somewhat ignored in the U.S.
The street harassment wasn’t cute (our orientation on cultural differences told us to think it was endearing), especially when one man followed me halfway back to the house and another blocked me in a shop by standing in the doorway and asking me why I would not marry him.
When I told my professor how uncomfortable I was, my discomfort was chalked up to “cultural differences.” But it did not seem that Ghanaian women much liked being hissed (yes, hissed) at from men in passing cars either.
By the last day I was fed up with it. When one man pointed at me and yelled, “I like that! I like that! I like the boom booms! Boom booms!” I told him to go fuck himself and ducked inside a store. However, when I came back out, he yelled and pointed at me claiming, “That’s my wife! That’s my wife!” Fortunately, he did not follow me back to the house.
I can look back and laugh at the ridiculousness of being told someone likes my “boom booms,” but that does not excuse having my voiced discomfort dismissed so easily.
To which I say that harassing/objectifying women is part of the universal culture of Patriarchy, not some unique Latino cultural institution that I, as a non-Latino, must treat respectfully.
I completely agree. It’s not a cultural thing, it’s a patriarchy thing. Also, maybe I’m reading into this too much, but isn’t it a little judgmental for the officer to assume that you don’t speak Spanish because you don’t look like what society tells us Latinos should look like? You know Salma Hayek, Penelope Cruz, or Sofia Vergara. When I lived in Queens, I met people of all races who spoke fluent Spanish. I think people forget that Latino is an ethnicity, not a race. Then again, I could be overreacting to the “Oh, are you Spanish?” comment.
@foureleven: Yes, it’s totally judgmental (and kinda silly) for the officer to see a blond, blue-eyed woman and automatically think she couldn’t be Latina, but we are talking about the NYPD here. No one racially profiles faster than them.
And I do find that to be a pretty common misconception…I mean, the Mexican guy I was cussing out (I know from his accent that he was Mexican) was just as shocked as the cops. There’s definitely still the perception that Hispanics can’t look “white” and I still find a lot of folks who don’t realize that there’s a huge section of the Hispanic population that looks “black.”
I love this.