I’m out of town this weekend and will probably not be able to moderate this thread, but I’ll check in when I can.
I need a change. I started therapy again with a hope for making that happen, or easing a transition, or–at the very least–helping me deal with how colossally shitastic things are right now, on so many levels, and how they don’t look to improve any time soon. I’ve been pretty much on one track my entire life, and that track has left me with “impressive” credentials that won’t permit me to feed or house myself adequately. Whoops.
Feeling powerless–especially after working so hard at something I thought I was good at–makes me miserable, but that’s where I’m finding myself. In the meantime, I’m fantasizing about things that are within my power to change, and which I might do rather than continue to mire in Craptown. They include:
1. Getting a drastic haircut. Like a pixie, but maybe longish on top? (I’d feel better about this one if my skin weren’t so ehhh.)
2. Purging 95% of my closet, keeping only the most basic of basics (black pants/skirts, white tops, or whatever) and instituting a uniform that I would wear every day. I’ve already been going through cabinets and cupboards and using up or pitching things that have been cluttering up my life, which has been a small source of pleasure. The idea of simplification is very appealing to me.
3. Saying “fuckitall” and moving to a new city and starting over fresh. This one I’ve actually discussed with the Dude (because I would of course want him with me, and because he’s feeling his own degree of disenchantment with the status quo), and we agree it’s actually not beyond the realm of possibility. It would have to wait until the end of the year, at the earliest, but we’ve kicked the idea around. Where would we go? We keep coming back to the Pacific NW, since it would be a big change, and because socially and politically (and climatologically, which is totally a word) we think we’d be reasonably comfortable, even if it would also mean really closing the door on the life I had imagined and prepared for for more than a decade. We really liked Seattle, but maybe Portland (which has admittedly raised in my estimation since BeckySharper sent me this link)?
Although it seems like everyone I know is having a totally awesome time of it (new job! bought a house/apartment! sold a house/apartment! book contract! finally pregnant!), I know that there is always suffering and disenchantment out there. So what to do about it?
Today’s FFT is about just that. When faced with a series of bad options–or no options–in your current situation, have you ever taken your fate into your hands and drastically changed direction? Taken big risks to get out of a rut? Quit a job, left a partner, liquidated your life for a fresh start elsewhere? What happened? Would you do it again? (Should I get a pixie cut?)
Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose, right?