What the fuck kind of color is “Maize,” anyway?

I quit a job I liked to move half way across the country to finish university. The packing, the saying good-bye, everything was incredibly hard.. but then I look at where I am now, and I know it was the best thing I did. Whilst things where I am now have changed since I first moved (I’ve ended a relationship, I’ve started a new relationship, moved house, adopted a puss-cat, found excellent friends, have great academic supporters) I feel like that initial risk has paid bid dividends.

Even when I’m in a rut, I think one of the first go-tos is to change the hair on the head. So with the recent house move, I went for a rather radical change in colour – the new colour has been dubbed “cherryripe” and “fire hair”. Then I got rid of a bunch of clutter and things that I no longer used, either passed them onto friends who could use them, or they went to goodwill.

Then I go to options. And whilst I’m figuring out options, there is paraphrasing of something the Gadamar said that makes me feel better – we do not have infinite options, our past and present limit our present and future.
So knowing that I have limited options helps to make decision-making easier and manageable, coz I know that being NASA astronaut is definitely off the table

I don’t think of myself as having made drastic changes in my life’s direction, but that’s perhaps because whenever I make a big change, it’s been somewhat planned out (eg. moving to a (slightly) different country for work).

I’m lucky enough to have a secure job(*), but there are some aspects of it that I’ve been growing increasingly discontent with, so I’ve been considering another big change. I got my hair cut – not pixie, but shorter than it’s been since I was five or so – two years ago. It helped give me a sense of change for a little bit, but I still have some underlying issues that I need to deal with, so it was really only a temporary fix. (So my opinion on the pixie cut is: do it if it makes you happy, but it’s kind of incidental.)

Eventually, I sat down and made some lists:
1. what I enjoy in my current job and want to continue doing,
2. what I want out of life, focusing on work life,
3. what other things I enjoy doing or could see myself doing for work,
4. what (specifically and being creative) my skills are, and what skills I could easily acquire.
Then I had a good friend look over my lists, particularly the skills one (sometimes it’s hard to judge our own skill set, especially being trained to see it in really narrow, disciplinary terms as we are in academia), and help me come up with some creative ideas and options, and a plan. I feel much better having a plan.

(* I saw an unemployed PhD from a big name supervisor at a conference recently. Most folks I know are hanging on, but certainly a number of friends have left academia. The job situation is quite bad at present, and doesn’t look like it’s going to get better soon. It doesn’t help that, at least in my field, we’re trained to think that academia is the only valid profession to aspire to, and leaving academia is some sort of failure; plus no one has any idea what’s out there for other related job options.)

Good luck!

(Alecto, that sounds like a really tough year!)

Now, I lived in Seattle for 7 years from the late 80s to mid 90s, and I thought it was a fantastic place. And because I was a software engineer in my 20s working 10 AM – midnight every day, the cloudiness and early sunsets didn’t bug me. Maybe they won’t bug you either. But if they do, you’ll spend the first few months indoors thinking you’ve made a terrible mistake, and that would be a shame because it’s a great city once you’re settled.

Best wishes.

I got my hair cut short, and dyed a lighter brunette about 6 weeks ago. I love it, and the change has been rolling through my life. I’ve been wearing more daring/fun clothes,going out more, quit my soul-killing, low-paying job last week, and am now interviewing for positions that pay at least 8 thousand more. I also dumped the emotionally distant jerk I was seeing for about a year. I mark the momentum for change to the hour I sat in the salon chair, and said “cut it all off, like so….”. I’m terrified I won’t get a job, but if I didn’t do something different, nothing would have changed.

Purging, and cleaning are also good. It helps you feel in control of your surroundings, and make any location changes much much easier.

Therapy is a helpful, healing practice. Never think it’s not. Anything that helps you grow as a person, and lessen the power of old emotional scars or fear is good in my book–cleaning, haircuts, therapy, moving, etc. Do it all, and then see where you and the Dude end up. You two will be happier, just for taking a chance.

Do not denigrate your accomplishments to date. Getting a PhD is something to be immensely proud of. You have maintained a successful relationship for much longer than a lot of folks, and it’s still going strong. You’ve survived in NYC, which is not easy for anyone, and especially those who aren’t in Donald Trump’s income range. You’ve changed your students’ lives and inspired so many, and this site has been a source of support and strength for me and so many others. You are amazing, Dorkie!

Come visit Pittsburgh! It’s closer, and is very affordable and has all kinds of great stuff going on. It feels somewhat like Portland, actually-river city and all that. But we def have a lower hipster quotient.

As I look around the fireplace-less apartment that I pay over twice that to live in, all I can say is: waaaaaaaaaah why is it so expensive here

Pittsburgh also has the advantage of being cheap as hell, having some nice architecture, a ton of museums, etc…but… I mean, Boston. *sigh*