Comments on: Friday Fun Thread: Being the Change

By: Mackey

Mackey — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 04:05:40 +0000

“So, Dorkie’s thread is really a great reminder for me, that change comes really slowly. (Yay for you, wise and kind reader, you helped me too.) If I really want to be an agent of change, I have to face the fact that change may not come for 200 years, far beyond when any trace or memory of me is gone from the earth.”

This is also important to remember about change.. it doesn’t mean give up, but still be an agent of change.
thanks rodriguez for the reminder that being the change isn’t always about now – it’s about a better world in the future.

By: rodriguez

rodriguez — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 16:18:10 +0000

@veganmarcy It’s really hard for people in contact with the NY Model Batterer program to hear us when we say that we are not invested in changing the behavior of any individual man. In fact it turns people off. But, for the safety of the women partnered with the participants, we never claim to change any man’s behavior. Looking from that angle the program doesn’t seem effective.

Obvs the next question is, why do you do it then? It’s that we are working towards making changes in society as a whole. It used to be that domestic violence had no legal or even societal consequences for the men who batter their partners, and now it does. If there is one thing that the men learn, it’s that they did not get away with it. Maybe the children of such couples also learn that same thing – “he didn’t get away with beating my mom”.

So, Dorkie’s thread is really a great reminder for me, that change comes really slowly. (Yay for you, wise and kind reader, you helped me too.) If I really want to be an agent of change, I have to face the fact that change may not come for 200 years, far beyond when any trace or memory of me is gone from the earth.

But veganmarcy, thank you so much for asking, because in fact there are aha moments for the men. There’s not as many as I would like, but there are some.

By: veganmarcy

veganmarcy — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 21:52:48 +0000

@rodriguez – Fascinating. I’ve wondered how it is to work in that type of program. What’s been your impression of how effective it is and what the men get out of the program? What parts work better than others? Are there a lot of ‘ah ha!’ light bulb moments for the guys taking it, or not?

By: veganmarcy

veganmarcy — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 20:41:53 +0000

type: educate

(aka woops, quick typing)

By: veganmarcy

veganmarcy — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 20:40:14 +0000

In addition to vegan and pro-choice activism, and volunteering at a sanctuary for victims of the farm industry (like the “rape rack”, gah, dairy is not good for our fellow females in other species!), I try to educated people on a daily basis as to why food shouldn’t be either your secret love or your worst enemy. Meaning, no need to talk about how “bad” you’re being by eating food, or enjoying food, or not being skinny. I do this as a thin person who is trying to avoid encouraging the privilege and the resentment associated with being a thin female in our sexist society, and who is really fucking tired about how girls are trained to have eating disorders from an increasingly young age.

Recently I have been going gangbusters on getting out of a very abusive and depressing job situation. I describe it as my abusive boyfriend, because the same dynamics are involved. Trust me, “Mad Men” is alive and well in the corporate world, but without the sexytimes and the awesome clothes. I am going to learn from all the narcissist business guys I can’t stand, and learn to advocate for myself, negotiate with the best of them for my needs, and NOT assume I’m unqualified for everything. Women sell themselves so short, and invariably end up in assistant roles. I have got to save my sanity, get further education, and work on my goal in non-profit management and possibly lobbying as well.

In other words, I am trying out actually advocating for myself, as opposed to simply advocating for every person and cause around me instead. It’s been a lesson over 10 years in the making.

By: Amanda Marcotte

Amanda Marcotte — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 13:15:50 +0000

Lately, I’ve been mildly obsessed with how our puritanical culture causes people on both the left and the right to abhor and police beauty, humor, joy, and experimentation in favor of rigidity, black-and-whiteness, and constant offense-taking for the sake of it. The result is a political climate where people are more interesting in policing what’s “allowed” rather than having substantive discussions—witness the amount of ink spilled on whether or not it was acceptable to question Bachmann on her sexist views of marriage.

The way I’m trying to be the change is I’m looking for times I feel like censoring myself unduly, lazily being the outrage police instead of offering substantive analysis, and being afraid to be messy, beautiful, joyful, and especially humorous because I’m afraid someone, somewhere might be in a shaming mood and I’m the target they latch on to. I’d rather live in a colorful world where people are feeling real feelings than the game-playing, puritanical culture we live in now.

By: SkipToMyLou

SkipToMyLou — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 10:42:11 +0000

I have been extra conscious over the last five or so years to not engage in, and to call out and end, body snarking amongst friends. You know that cycle: “I’m so fat” “No, you’re so thin, I’m so fat”. I don’t do it. I tell you when you’d doing it. I ask you not to do it again.
I have worked hard on more internally accepting my own body and not dieting anymore. I’m not there yet. But I engage in mental body-hate less often and less intensely, and dismiss it more easily when thoughts creep in.

By: Mackey

Mackey — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 09:30:44 +0000

In terms of being the change in the world there’s a couple of things that I am currently doing:
* reducing my consumption generally, and ensuring that food bought into the house is used.
* in taking on teaching at university, I want to show students that economics is understandable, able to be critically analysed, and will provide students with other lenses with which to see the world. (It does help that I get paid for it.)
* I enjoy being involved in my trade union and other sister unions, campaigning for and supporting workers rights. I believe that there should be dignity and respect in the workplace, including good pay and working conditions – no matter what job it is that is being performed.
* as a first generation Australian (both of my parents were migrants), I support campaigns on recognising the rights of asylum seekers and expecting Australia to live up to its international obligations.

It’s great to see that other harpies have passions, and are being the change they want to see in the world.

By: rodriguez

rodriguez — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 00:24:53 +0000

I’ve been working on a domestic violence program. It’s a court ordered program for batterers called the NY Model Batterer program. The men get sentenced to 52-week or 26-week terms with us, where we teach them feminism and oppression theory, among other things.

Other instructors rotate in and out of classes, but mine is the only class that is given in both English and Spanish. I do the translation. I’ve been doing it for almost two years now, pretty faithfully, every Thursday late afternoon through evenings.

I realized yesterday that for many of the current men in the program, even those with 52 week sentences, I am the most consistent point of contact with the program and feminism and oppression theory. And suddenly I felt so so responsible. But happy too.

By: Cimorene

Cimorene — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 22:57:04 +0000

I’m unapologetically feminist-y in places where it’s usually socially unacceptable to call people on their shit. For example, if a colleague/classmate makes a joke about rape at the expense of women at a work-ish-related social event (being a grad student means the lines between socializing with friends and with colleagues is kinda blurry) I call them on it, which almost always makes people feel uncomfortable. At which point I point out that he made everyone uncomfortable by making a dumb rape joke.

I also make it a priority to never dismiss women’s emotions, and to tell as many women as possible that having an emotion doesn’t make one crazy/needy/naggish.

And I write about feminism in most of my papers, and have even been known to call professors out on their sexist comments (which is definitely scary, but has only ended very well thus far–like, professors including feminist theory in all the readings for the rest of the summer, and getting all defensive about not being a misogynist by making sure to talk about women and feminism a lot for the rest of the semester, which was really awesome).

This is a fun thread.