1. It acknowledges that the choice whether or not to abort is mine and only mine.

2. If I chose not to abort, he would have taken full and complete responsibility for the child rather than sticking me with the burden of being a single mother.

Why are you so offended by that?

on what effing planet is that the right response? jesus.

And “probing” sounds like the worst sort of PIV EVER. Girl, are you enjoying that? If not, tell him to cut it out.

First of all, as far as I’m concerned, any man who does something sexual to a woman that he could reasonably infer she doesn’t want, is morally a rapist even if it doesn’t fit the legal definition in a particular jurisdiction. (And a man who can’t reasonably infer that a woman who doesn’t want to get pregnant, doesn’t want an uncovered penis in her vagina, is either very ignorant or very stupid.)

Second, men who are opposed to abortion, must do everything in their power to ensure their sperm do not meet the eggs of women who don’t want to be pregnant. They should be regarding any activity where their sperm has even the faintest possibility of meeting an egg, as reckless endangerment of human life. If they’re really serious, they should not be putting their unvasectomised penises anywhere near any woman’s vagina*. If that’s a sacrifice they’re unwilling to make, but they think it’s OK to ask women to be willing to risk pregnancy and childbirth, they’re not only selfish assholes, they’re hypocritical and unserious in their anti-abortion stance. End of story.

*I’m not saying no sex, I’m saying no PIV. PIV is not magic. There are plenty of other ways of sharing pleasure and intimacy.

For men who whine that it isn’t fair, I say take it up with Mother Nature. Yeah, it isn’t fair that women have died for millenia from pregnancy and its consequences, either. But that’s the way it is, and because we risk our lives when we become pregnant, the decision whether or not to carry a pregnancy to term must always be ours.

We agonised over what to do, to the point of having a consultation with a local health clinic about our options. Thankfully, there were only one or two halfhearted protesters there at the time (They have trouble drumming up people willing to stand around and wave signs in sub-freezing weather in southeast pennsylvania. ) and the clinic staff were really supportive and amazing, neither judging or pushing, being very direct and honest about things.

We ultimately decided to go ahead with things, and our daughter turned 8 today. But it is a period that will always weigh heavily on us both, it is hard not to feel guilty for even considering aborting. And it is hard not to realise that we would have very different lives right now if we had. Possibly better, possibly not.

We haven’t even figured out how to discuss the entire issue with our children when the time comes. Which will be all too soon with a turning 12 son and a now-8 daughter.

But I thank whatever powers there may be that we had the choice to make, and that noone made it FOR us. And I will fight to the death to make sure it stays that way. It is hard enough to be in that spot without some uninvolved third party deciding what is and is not ‘best’ for you and your family. I can think of few, if any, choices more profoundly personal and private, save perhaps the right to choose one’s own time to exit the world gracefully if that is one’s choice.