Fear Me, Umbrellas of the World! Tremble, cheap, Made-in-China Sunglasses! I WILL DESTROY YOU ALLLLLLLLLL!
I have a little problem. With my powers of ruination. Fortunately, they only seem to damage inanimate objects, but I am rough on those objects. When I was little, I couldn’t keep hold of a house key to save my life (my parents loved that one). Later, it was hairbrushes. Seriously, I’d buy them, use them once, and they would wander off, or spontaneously combust, or something. Just…gone. I gave up on keeping track of writing utensils year ago, and have just surrendered myself to TEH SERRRRRRKELLL OF PENNNNNNNZZZ!!! It’s like Take-a-Penny-Leave-a-Penny, but on a cosmic scale.
In more recent years, it’s umbrellas and sunglasses. They blow inside out, or I sit on them, or a lens pops out, or they shred within days, or I simply leave them behind. I curse them by my very touch!
I also have horrible effects on kitchen timers. I’ve gotten a new one for Christmas every year for the past five years, at least, and they never live past May. Cheap ones or fancy, digital or mechanical, it doesn’t matter. I drop them on the floor, or in a sinkful of water, or I set them on the stove and melt them, or crush them underfoot, or dog knows what else. STOP ME BEFORE I KILL AGAIN.
Am I the only one? I hope not. For this week’s FFT, assure me that I’m not the only one who unwittingly wreaks havoc on hapless consumer goods.