I’m often very sad for my partner, actually, because he doesn’t have close friends (male or female) that he shares everything with and misses constantly. He doesn’t mind so much, but acknowledges that both the absence of the desire and the absence of such friendships is the result of gender socialization. Guys just don’t usually have the same type of friendships–and especially not with other guys. This is a loss for everyone, I think.

I met my best friend the first week of college, about nine years ago. She’s only one of many women (and men) who have lightened and deepened my life, but she’s my favorite, and we’ve gotten through enough together – living far away, living together, fighting, marriage and babies – that I can’t help thinking we might be friends for a half century ourselves.

It’s friends who tuck me in a blanket on their couch when I’ve had too much to drink and can’t walk home, who invite me over to bake cookies when I’m feeling depressed, who chat with me for hours about the minutiae of my obsessions, who read my stories, who teach me how to solder circuits and ride bikes, who laugh at my good jokes and make fun of my bad ones.

If you asked me if I’d rather live the rest of my life with no friends or no romantic partners, I’d choose the latter in a heartbeat. I think I’d be lonely without a lover, especially in this culture, but for me? A life without real true friendship is barely worth living.

@Drahill: Word.

To me, male-female friendships can become feminist when the relationship becomes the jumping off point for the male side of it to really think about women’s issues. I have my male friend who said to me one day, “I don’t like sexist jokes anymore.” I asked him why, and he said “well, it’s funnt when you don’t actually think of any particular woman you know as the butt of it. But I always think of you and think, ‘well, it wouldn’t be okay to treat Dale like that, and she’s a woman, so then the joke becomes really unfunny. And I don’t like it anymore.’” And that is awesome.

For me, that is a feminist friendship – when by virtue of the friendship, a man can see his female friend as a sort of reference point for why women’s issues and concerns matter and why he should care.

I do agree with annajcook that it’s often expected, but I don’t think it’s particularly realistic.

Unfortunately women’s friendships can be undermining and jealous – I know a few people who will put others down at any opportunity to ‘get ahead’ in the social circle, just like girls did when we were 12! However, given that we’re now in our 30s and 40s, I find it a bit odd and definitely keep a mental note not to give these people ammunition by opening up to them about whatever unhappiness or vulnerability I might have, because I haven’t got the energy for that kind of shit any more.