Comments on: Let’s Talk Images: “Single By Choice”

By: Sara

Sara — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 21:18:04 +0000

Looking closely at the picture, the edge of her left arm is visible all the way down to her breast, suggesting that she simply has it positioned diagonally behind her. It is certainly posed – and the pose was probably further Photoshopped, but I don’t think the intention was to present her as having one arm.

By: Jacki

Jacki — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 23:07:25 +0000

Am I the only one who noticed the woman has only one arm? I wonder if it was photoshopped out to show her life is missing something.

By: Mackey

Mackey — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 04:30:30 +0000

definitely agree with the “non-conformity in small dose” sentiment..
but it also interesting to see that the woman depicted is educated, would appear to be in the middle/upper class, and appears to have a career.
It is almost like this woman becomes the “poster-singleton” for non-married heterosexual women.

By: Lauren

Lauren — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 15:33:30 +0000

I would like to chime in and say that this was also featured on another recent magazine cover (this time on the cover of The Atlantic) as written by another late-30s, single, conventionally attractive, and white woman. That article does touch briefly on singledom among women of other ethnicities. However, I should warn that the other article is off base in a few areas. For instance, stating that “women are increasingly confronted with deadbeats and players” is, at very best, reductionist.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/11/all-the-single-ladies/8654/

By: annajcook

annajcook — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 15:31:36 +0000

@JT there you go, again, adding to my reading list !

@BeckySharper, yeah, I agree about the way in which conventional beauty works in this image to counter our notions of what Single Women Look Like — as in, it must be their fault for being so unattractive and/or dykey as to not catch a man.

By: Joseph Tychonievich

Joseph Tychonievich — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 14:22:41 +0000

Sort of related, did you see this interesting interview about a new book about solitary living on a broad scale?
http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/Eric-Klinenberg-on-Going-Solo.html?c=y&page=1

By: BeckySharper

BeckySharper — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 14:17:14 +0000

I’ve certainly gotten plenty of comments, some of them intended to be “helpful”, some of them not, about the fact that I’m single, successful, and unmarried.

A sampler:

“Oh, don’t worry. You’re still young.” Because if you’re not married by the time you’re “old”, that’s cause for worry. Let’s just say at 36, I hear this one less often than I did in my twenties, because NOW it’s supposed to be time for me to worry.

“At your age, maybe you should be a little less picky?” This one reliably makes my head explode. Because women, unlike men, don’t have the right to insist that they to get what they want or need from a relationship—they should be willing to downgrade their own needs/desires in order to meet society’s standards. And, of course, as I become less youthful and therefore less attractive, I have even less right to insist on what I need. (Also, no one ever tells men this, for obvious reasons).

And my personal favorite, courtesy of DaddySharper: “Maybe your standards are too high?” Of course, they’re not standards if they’re too low, so this is just a variant of the “too picky” criticism. Parents—and the rest of the world—should encourage women to choose unmarried happiness and personal fulfillment over simply getting married. Yes, my father really said this to me…even loving parents will occasionally regurgitate negative cultural stereotypes about marriage and women.

I do think Anna’s dead right by pointing out that this image represents non-conformity in a small dose. Obviously, the woman pictured doesn’t represent the diversity of unmarried women in our society. Still, I think the fact the woman depicted is slim and conventionally attractive is meant to overturn our preconceived notion—well, our Patriarchial society’s preconceived notion—that a good-looking woman will always get married because the whole purpose of female beauty is to attract men and get them to put a ring on your finger. And I think anything that pokes holes in that preconceived notion is a positive.