So, I had an abortion! After my last post I was off to find out if it was fully evacuated. Unfortunately it wasn’t. I had to go through another round of misoprostol which resulted in some further cramping which was more intense than the first round of cramping (but still not at keel over and die levels of awfulness) and another check up for full evacuation. Much to what I’m sure will be commenter Jen’s chagrin (check out my first post on the topic, she is hilarious), there were still no fetal parts visible. Now, at the time I was stressed, anxious and paranoid….but not for the reasons the trolls would have you believe.
Have you ever been in a situation where you so didn’t want to be pregnant that you’d stab your own uterus? Now, imagine that the pregnancy is ended, but not out of you. I’m not going to lie but that was a hugely stressful moment. I agreed to one more round of pills, but if that didn’t work I would have sucked it up and got a D&C. Being told at the next ultrasound that my uterus was empty surprisingly did little to really help, so I waited to share the good news with all of you. My second period since the abortion is starting and now I am confident enough to feel relieved. I am so fucking happy not to be pregnant right now that I can barely think straight beyond “HEEEEEEEEE!!! NOT PREGNANT!!”
So many good things are happening now. Hubby is finally getting a vasectomy, acknowledging that it’s easier for him to do so than for me to get my tubes tied or spend the rest of my fertile life on birth control. I got a raise and responsibilities at work in the field I wish to go into. My boss was unconditionally supportive of me the whole time and trusted me to make the right decisions for me. I’m repairing the relationship with my parents, especially my mother, who now understand that the concept of life is not that black and white. They now acknowledge that they would rather see their daughter thrive and be happy. I appreciate my children so much more and I am so glad that I got to choose to have them. They are such good little people and I have given them a gift that a lot of people don’t understand. The gift of a full childhood with two parents that can provide for them and then some. I’ve been able to fully appreciate everything that I have and I have been savouring it (which is why I haven’t been posting for a bit, but I will be back).
I’m also militant in my pro-choice beliefs like I never was before and have had a much needed resolve. Anti-choicers play dirty. They are thoughtless, rude, arrogant, and disruptive people with a soapbox that rivals a Catholic grandmother. For too long I have been told by people on my side to “reason” with these people and “be nice”. I think that’s how we are losing. First off, I think it’s time we stop “being nice”. We’re told our whole lives to be nice otherwise we’ll look like bitches. Beyond that, why should we be nice to these people? Why should we smile, be polite, and try to reason with unreasonable people? Why be nice to people who are trying to take your rights away? Why be nice when politicians are trying to medically rape with with vaginal ultrasounds? How can we even fathom being polite to people who want us to forcibly give birth to children they will never actually give a shit about? Because we all know it’s not about life. It’s making sure that all of us are keeping in our roles and doing what we’re supposed to do. Have you never thought it funny that an anti-choicer can call pregnancy a gift and a blessing in one breath while calling them a consequence in the next? That tells me everything I need to know about how they really feel about life. I can no longer give courtesy to these people, I just can’t. I’m done. Gloves are so fucking off.
I know I’ll get some flack for saying that because people still think that we can fight back with a smile, but after what transpired and the level of hate I have seen for it I am not behind that. These people want to stop people from achieving things in their life. They don’t want us to be happy. They are perfectly happy ruining people’s lives and claiming it’s for a fetus. They guilt and they shame. I don’t plan on taking it anymore.
Anyway, I am so done rambling, but there is my update. My uterus is empty and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Everyone who wishes differently or wants to bring me down over the whole thing can, quite frankly, fuck off and suck it.
HELL YEAH!
~STANDING OVATION~ MA I’m so with you about no longer being polite! I don’t want to have polite discussions about choice, about definitions, about bodily integrity, about doing what is right, etc.. It’s now at a point where I use the very book that a particular religious affiliation uses to decry women’s choice, and make arguments for women’s choice.. because I’m done with being told that women who support choice are evil slutty mcsluts, and are going to hell..
I just love how it’s no longer the deity that judges people after death, but the people themselves before death.
I want to scream “cognitive dissonance much” from the ramparts.. /rant
Congratulations for being able to exercise autonomy over your body and destiny, and doing what is right for you and your family.
Congratulations on the other great things going on in your life as well! It’s fantastic to hear that there are workplaces that are supportive of women, especially in making decisions about their lives and well-being.
And MA, and a massive thanks for letting us know what happened throughout the process. It’s great to have you back, full of awesome, and harpyness.
Thanks again. It is awesome to read this from you.
Congratulations, Marie Anelle! I’m happy to hear that, in spite of the delays and extra meds, the abortion went well and you are officially un-pregnant! Thanks again for putting your story out here for all of us and helping to abolish the fear and shame surrounding the issue. I hadn’t seen Jen’s comments on the first post- wow! Arguing feelings against facts never goes over well.
Well said. When we agreed to pretend that an abortion is the worst fate that can befall a woman, we lost the battle. Now we’re fighting to retain access to birth control. We can’t seem to win equal pay. Next we’ll be fighting for access to certain jobs and then the workplace entirely. The other side has a mission and it doesn’t end with abortion.
Whoo Hoo for you not being pregnant!
Whoo Hoo for other wonderful things in life!
Whoo Hoo for me not being the parent of a 22 year-old! I will forever be grateful for that D&C in late ’88. I cannot even imagine how my life would be different if I’d been forced to bear a child I never wanted.
The recent kerfuffle over the VA bill makes me a little furious that so many people don’t realize that TX’s medical rape bill is already in effect, traumatizing and re-traumatizing people with uteri all over this state who just want to decide for themselves.
I’m so glad you live somewhere where this was an option for you and THANK YOU so much for posting all about it. If we keep talking and being not nice, it will eventually change. I have to believe it!
So happy with your update, the good things happening in your life, the empty uterus!
What I never understand, is this: I cannot understand how ANYONE who has had a child could EVER not be pro-choice. I have two children, and being pregnant and giving birth to them made me 100% more firm in my pro-choiceness. The mere thought that anyone has to go through that who doesn’t want it 100% makes me sick.
Hooray for an empty uterus! Oddly, I have this vision of it as a purse which you can now fill it with other, more convenient, things like Skittles or spare change.
Thank you for blogging this experience so honestly! It has done more good than you will probably ever know!
Applause! You are so right. We try to be pleasant and considerate and they run us right over. Screw that. This is a war, and we don’t intend to lose.
Also, your happy news makes me happy! It’s well deserved and I hope it continues. Hugs to you and your whole family/
Congratulations for all the good things happening in your life and your career, and thanks for taking the time to write this post.
Sometimes it’s pragmatic to “play nice,” even when it isn’t just or warranted by the other party’s behavior, but I like the sentiment that when you as an individual have had enough, you’re not under any obligation to try to reason with unreasonable people.
Thank you so much for writing this.
Thank you so much for writing all this, and congrats on all the good happening in your life!
Where has this blog been hiding? I have felt so alone in my strong viewpoints for so long. I recently had a long discussion on fb with my very religious cousin who jokingly called me a demon for my viewpoints.
I get so rattled lately by others ignorance. The whole Planned Parenthood debate literally has my panties in a knot! Without affordable cancer screenings and birth control I would be unable to obtain my master’s degree. If PP wouldn’t had been there when I was 16, I would have been a teen mom.
Can’t we just agree that if it is my vagina, my rules?!