So, I had an abortion! After my last post I was off to find out if it was fully evacuated. Unfortunately it wasn’t. I had to go through another round of misoprostol which resulted in some further cramping which was more intense than the first round of cramping (but still not at keel over and die levels of awfulness) and another check up for full evacuation. Much to what I’m sure will be commenter Jen’s chagrin (check out my first post on the topic, she is hilarious), there were still no fetal parts visible. Now, at the time I was stressed, anxious and paranoid….but not for the reasons the trolls would have you believe.
Have you ever been in a situation where you so didn’t want to be pregnant that you’d stab your own uterus? Now, imagine that the pregnancy is ended, but not out of you. I’m not going to lie but that was a hugely stressful moment. I agreed to one more round of pills, but if that didn’t work I would have sucked it up and got a D&C. Being told at the next ultrasound that my uterus was empty surprisingly did little to really help, so I waited to share the good news with all of you. My second period since the abortion is starting and now I am confident enough to feel relieved. I am so fucking happy not to be pregnant right now that I can barely think straight beyond “HEEEEEEEEE!!! NOT PREGNANT!!”
So many good things are happening now. Hubby is finally getting a vasectomy, acknowledging that it’s easier for him to do so than for me to get my tubes tied or spend the rest of my fertile life on birth control. I got a raise and responsibilities at work in the field I wish to go into. My boss was unconditionally supportive of me the whole time and trusted me to make the right decisions for me. I’m repairing the relationship with my parents, especially my mother, who now understand that the concept of life is not that black and white. They now acknowledge that they would rather see their daughter thrive and be happy. I appreciate my children so much more and I am so glad that I got to choose to have them. They are such good little people and I have given them a gift that a lot of people don’t understand. The gift of a full childhood with two parents that can provide for them and then some. I’ve been able to fully appreciate everything that I have and I have been savouring it (which is why I haven’t been posting for a bit, but I will be back).
I’m also militant in my pro-choice beliefs like I never was before and have had a much needed resolve. Anti-choicers play dirty. They are thoughtless, rude, arrogant, and disruptive people with a soapbox that rivals a Catholic grandmother. For too long I have been told by people on my side to “reason” with these people and “be nice”. I think that’s how we are losing. First off, I think it’s time we stop “being nice”. We’re told our whole lives to be nice otherwise we’ll look like bitches. Beyond that, why should we be nice to these people? Why should we smile, be polite, and try to reason with unreasonable people? Why be nice to people who are trying to take your rights away? Why be nice when politicians are trying to medically rape with with vaginal ultrasounds? How can we even fathom being polite to people who want us to forcibly give birth to children they will never actually give a shit about? Because we all know it’s not about life. It’s making sure that all of us are keeping in our roles and doing what we’re supposed to do. Have you never thought it funny that an anti-choicer can call pregnancy a gift and a blessing in one breath while calling them a consequence in the next? That tells me everything I need to know about how they really feel about life. I can no longer give courtesy to these people, I just can’t. I’m done. Gloves are so fucking off.
I know I’ll get some flack for saying that because people still think that we can fight back with a smile, but after what transpired and the level of hate I have seen for it I am not behind that. These people want to stop people from achieving things in their life. They don’t want us to be happy. They are perfectly happy ruining people’s lives and claiming it’s for a fetus. They guilt and they shame. I don’t plan on taking it anymore.
Anyway, I am so done rambling, but there is my update. My uterus is empty and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Everyone who wishes differently or wants to bring me down over the whole thing can, quite frankly, fuck off and suck it.