First, Anna — I love the rings you and Hanna chose together. They look lovely, and the concept is so unique. ^^

For my partner…

Respect
We respect each other. My partner doesn’t try to change me or ease me into being less radical or shift my gender identity or police my body. I let him know at the outset of our relationship who I am, and he respects me. And I respect him — I didn’t settle for a “fixer-upper.” I respect him as he is, because of who he is.

Our Relationship with Food
We have enough money right now to invest (that’s how we see it, as an investment) in healthier foods. We try to plan meals that involve fresh ingredients. He does pretty much all the cooking, and he’s wonderful at it. And while he doesn’t have as much of a sweet tooth as I do, he doesn’t turn food into a battle or bat an eye if I decide to buy a bag of candy at the store or drink a soda.

Balance
My partner is very balanced. Sometimes, this can be a little frustrating, as I’m a very impassioned, we-need-to-fix-the-world-right-now kind of person. But my partner takes time to look at everything, to hear different opinions, to weigh the options, and then he expresses his thoughts. He’s also very balanced in the different areas of his life — he puts a lot of effort into his job and he has a wonderful work ethic, but he also knows how to leave work and work and just relax and have fun.

Feminism
My partner holds to many feminist beliefs. I’ll never forget when, on our second date, I asked him for his opinion on abortion. He said something to the effect of, “I don’t really feel it’s for me to say. It’s not my body, so it’s not up to me.” Over the year that we’ve been together, my feminism has rubbed off on him, and I can notice the subtle differences. It’s important (and crucial) to me that he believes in my bodily autonomy, in enthusiastic consent, etc. And, yes, I’ll admit, the other day when he used the word heteronormative for the first time in casual conversation, when describing a YouTube video, I got turned on.

Sexual Chemistry
I’m demisexual (I don’t feel sexual attraction without the presence of an emotional connection), but that doesn’t mean I’ll feel sexual attraction to anyone I’m emotionally close to. With my partner, I have a vibrant sexual attraction that I’ve really never experienced before. I had never known the visceral pull of another person, that feeling like when they walk in the room, you just need to touch them. Now I know. We’re incredibly sexually compatible in so many ways, and even if I want sex more often than he does, and I’ve tired him out, he’s still always willing to “help me out” in various ways.

Our Interests
Like Anna and Hanna, my partner and I have overlapping spheres of interest that provide great opportunities for talking and even for growth. I love seeing him get excited over reading some article online or hearing some song on YouTube. He’s so damn beautiful when his eyes light up like that, plus I love knowing he’s his own, distinct person.

Responsibility
I know these types of things should be a given, but considering the experiences I’ve had, I appreciate these traits all the more. He gets up every week day and goes to work. He acts responsibly at work, does a good job, and brings home a paycheck. He pays his bills. On time. Although neither of us are mop-the-floor-for-fun type people, we both have a similar level of “mess tolerance,” and when things reach it, we both take care of it. If there’s something I was hoping he’d do, I just ask him. I don’t have to nag. He does what he says he’ll do, he seldom forgets, and he does a good job with it.

Introversion
Again like Anna and Hanna, my partner and I are both very introverted. It’s not that I don’t like people, I just like them in ones and twos and with a lot of time in-between to recover. Fortunately, my partner is the same way. We’re perfectly happy spending our evenings at home together. We “recharge” by playing video games on the couch or reading together in bed, which reminds me…

Ways of Being Intimate
We have crafted our own love language, and I’m very happy with it. One of the ways I show him I love him is by reading to him. We’ll cuddle on the couch together and I’ll try to use different voices for different characters, and we’ll experience a novel together. One of the ways he shows me he loves me is by stopping the microwave at 1 second so it doesn’t wake me up in the morning. When I told him I noticed that and appreciated it, he drew a picture of a heart and the word you and taped it under the display, so it reads: “1 <3 you." And we both lock the door when we leave the apartment when the other person is still inside–it's a way we show that we protect one another, and it's a mutual gesture. I love leaving in the morning and unlocking the door to exit, knowing he locked it to keep me safe. And I love locking the door behind me when I go out somewhere to run errands, knowing I'm locking it to keep him safe.

Communication
My partner is open and honest when he communicates with me. I don’t have to guess what he’s thinking or try to read between the lines. If he’s upset, he’ll tell me. If he’s upset but he doesn’t want to talk about it, he’ll tell me he’s upset but he doesn’t want to talk about it. No guessing games. No detective work. And when I communicate with him, he listens. He might not understand why I feel the need to explain some things (especially if it’s an idea he’s already grasped), but he’s willing to listen thoughtfully and lovingly if I need to articulate it for myself. We respect each other enough to do our best to put our thoughts and feelings into words and share those words with each other in helpful, authentic ways.

I really like this activity, Anna. Not only was it fun to read other people’s responses about their relationships, but it helped me put into words why I love my partner so much.

So I would like the 10 things I like about her and our relationship:
1) she gives unbelievably good hugs, the kind that envelope you and make you feel good again.
2) I have never heard her say “I told you so” or “You should have listened to me”. Instead she recognises that sometimes people take a couple of goes to get things working for them or to make a change. This isn’t to say she won’t ask hard questions or not call you on things – it will not be those 2 phrases and she won’t be patronising.
3) she is generous with her time, smiles, and heart – the things that count.
4) she’s good hearted
5) when we get together there is no body snarking, body policing, food that is good/bad/etc.. we are focussed on hanging out. Besides, she has kick-arse legs!
6) she is full of grace
7) she enjoys helping celebrate the good things that happen in life – graduations, birthdays, finishing a difficult thing
8) she is incredibly creative and has an excellent design eye – whenever I am heading somewhere fancy, she will always help me get my outfit together, down to the small details.
9) she introduces her friends to other friends and helps to make everyone feel included
10) she is not afraid to say “I love you”.

1.) He’s willing to fight me (he trains in martial arts too).

2.) He tolerates my vegetarianism and won’t try to tempt me into a steak.

3.) He stuck with me when I was in law school and wouldn’t hang out with him for days at a time.

4.) He loves the cats as much as I do.

5.) He will tell me when I am being full of shit (this is a bigger deal than it sounds).

6.) He introduced me to Middle Eastern food.

7.) He doesn’t share my particular faith, but he respects it.

8.) He will drop everything if I need him to and just sit with me.

9.) He gets angry on my behalf, even when I’m not.

10.) He helped make a really awesome little kid.

Ten things I like about my spouse:

1) We have similar ethics. Even small things like stealing pens from work make us extremely uncomfortable. We never go above white lies, like telling someone I can’t make something because I’m not feeling well when really something else is going on.

2) similar taste in furniture / houses / everyday household stuff.

3) similar comfort for messiness, but both have about the same level of “woah, this has become disgusting”.

4) we are the same age and reminisce about the same shows / technology / events.

5) We have always had very different personal interests.

6) We have approx. the same sex drive.

7) Pretty much the same parenting style.

8) We both like to spend time on computers, and along with parenting style, have similar views on how the kids (almost 15 and 11) should spend time / use technology.

9) never expects me to cook if I don’t feel like it (he really can’t cook) but if I do he praises it (and always does the dishes).

10) never questions when I say I’m not feeling up to something because of my autoimmune disease.