Image credit: LeClan McMillan with her baby (via Annie Urban). (via bluemilk.wordpress.com)

Image Description: The color photograph depicts a motorcross cyclist sitting astride a bike in full gear (including helmet) nursing a child, also in biking gear. Both appear to be Euro-American, with pale skin tones. The parent has long dark red-brown hair pulled back into a ponytail and the child has slightly curly white-blond hair in a bowl cut. The photograph is a close-up of the parent, child, and bike, but you can see the motorcross course in the background.

A few days after this image went live on Tumblr, I noticed a lot of people were liking and reblogging it (to-date the image has had over 300 “notes” since I posted it). Aside from the popularity of the image, what caught my attention was the additional commentary folks felt compelled to add when they re-blogged the photograph. I thought it was really telling what Tumblr folks felt necessary to criticize about the photograph (and about other peoples’ commentary). I share some of the comments below in a Q&A format, with my thoughts on each response.

To back-track each quotation to its original Tumblr blog, see the thread of notes below the original post.

Tumblr: “Except for that kid is like 3 and shouldn’t be breast feeding anymore.”

Anna: There were actually many people who had this concern, which I thought was really interesting as a response. I’m the eldest of three and my mother breastfed all of us until we were roughly 2 1/2-3 years old. Not exclusively, obviously, but alongside other forms of nourishment. LeLeche League International recommends that children be introduced to other forms of food in their first year, but affirms that “A mother and her baby should breastfeed for as long as they wish to breastfeed.”

Given that breastfeeding at “like 3″ is not medically contraindicated, that means that the perception that the child in the photograph “shouldn’t” be breastfeeding is a socially-conditioned determination – and one I think is kinda fascinating to observe and think about. Why have we decided that toddlers are “too old” to breastfeed?

T: “How about not gendering people nonconsensually. not everyone who breastfeeds is a ‘mama’”

A: While I take this person’s point, the original post a blue milk identifies LeClan McMillan as a “her” (see original caption reproduced above), so I assume that the cyclist identifies as a woman/uses female pronouns. I did do a bit of searching online to find outside confirmation of this, but nothing came up. If you follow motorcross and know McMillan feel free to chime in in comments on hir self-identity.

T: “Hello badass mom, hello badass babyboy. Thumbs up all around.”

A: I’ve already responded to the gendering of the cyclist above, but I thought it was interesting that this person (and, actually, a number of others) assumed the child was a boy, despite the fact nothing in the original post indicated the child’s gender. Is it the colors the child is wearing? The haircut?

T: “not being a concern troll – breastfeeding on a motorcycle makes absolutely no sense. that’s like….paying bills on a motorcycle, or playing monopoly, or eating. the logistics baffle me”

A: Mostly I just love this one. Because I bet the person who wrote this comment has, on occasion, eaten a snack while driving, or stopped while on a bicycle ride to down a power bar. Sometimes when you’re out doing shit you get hungry (even when you’re a kid!), and you just gotta eat. When I look at this picture, that’s what I see. And I’m not sure why that’s baffling.

What about you, Harpies? What does this photograph say to you — and what do you think of the Tumblr responses?

We hear a lot about how breastfeeding in public is seen as dirty. Women have been shamed in some of the weirdest places. You see men staring, women getting all grossed out and making comments under their breath, old people shaking their heads, etc. I was always an ally for breastfeeding. I didn’t bat an eyelash or stare when it happened. It was never gross, it was natural. I was totally going to breastfeed my kids because I am Captain Awesome and breast is best. Imagine my horror when it didn’t happen for me and what subsequently became my personal battle in the Boob War.

In Canadian hospitals, it is more common for nurses to do absolutely everything they can to have you breastfeed. There are no formula ads, just diagrams on how to get a proper latch. These nurses will also push you after you tell them you’ve had enough. It wasn’t until day 2 when I showed the nurse the chunk of nipple that was missing and the blood running down my breasts that she got some formula out. I later learned after visiting a lactation specialist that I was not producing enough breast milk and I had blocked ducts as well. Factor in various physical breast issues a little too personal for the interwebs, and I had a recipe for disaster. My mother, having gone through the same thing assured me that it was no big deal and that I tried my best. She was in the minority of women who held that sentiment. I soon experienced shame at the hands of the very same women I’ve been keen on defending.

I will never forget trying out this mom group when my daughter was about a month old. The women were echoing the complaints that a lot of breastfeeding women have in terms of the public shaming they endure. I was totally on board with what they were saying. Then, it happened. Daughter got hungry and I pulled out a bottle. One mom actually stared in complete shock, then said “well ladies, I’d rather have the shame of public breastfeeding than stooping so low as to bottle feed my kids”.

Cue my thought bubble: lol, wut?

The conversation then changed to the evils of bottle feeding and how selfish these women are. Right in front of me like I didn’t exist. At first I just thought it was these women until I started telling the story to other female friends, some with kids. Sure enough, I didn’t have a single ally or anyone to understand. These women were right in their eyes. Forget the fact that it didn’t work. As in tore-a-chunk-of-nipple-OMG-I’m-fucking-bleeding-holy-shit-I’ve-got-blocked-ducts-and-my-baby-won’t-latch kind of not working. I am a selfish ninny who must be a terrible parent because I didn’t stay up day and night, bleeding profusely trying to feed my baby milk that wasn’t there. I found myself getting reminders that breast was best like I was an idiot who had never heard that concept before. Never mind that those who were there to experience my breastfail attested to the fact that I really did try, it wasn’t enough for other women. I was less of a woman.

As a first time mother, it was extremely damaging to my self esteem. I questioned myself every day. Did I really try hard enough? Was it really worth it? Most importantly, am I really depriving my child? I felt alone, shamed and made to feel like an idiot by the very same people that I fought for. I kept hearing all these warnings in my head that I was asking for my kid to be obese, prone to allergies, not as smart as the other kids and getting sick all of the time. Was I really damning my kid to lifelong hell because of formula?

Five years later, and the daughter is far from obese, has no allergies, is never sick and thriving so well in kindergarten. Most people can’t tell the difference between her and a breastfed kid, so when I was pregnant with my son I made the decision to bottle feed my son. Of course, that didn’t stop my own sister-in-law from telling me that I’m damning my kid and that I just “didn’t try hard enough”.

So what if I don’t breastfeed? I tried it. It didn’t work. I don’t need to be reminded that “breast is best, you just didn’t try hard enough”. First off, I’m not a moron, of course breast is best, but there are alternatives if it doesn’t work out. Second, it is not in the scope of a perfect stranger to grasp on whether or not women who use formula tried hard enough. The kids are going to be alright. Even if there are women who didn’t try at all, it’s none of your business and it does not help to patronize these women. You may not believe in it yourself, but much like being pro-choice, it is not your place to judge or criticize. General rule is if you don’t like being told how to raise your kids, chances are the woman next to you doesn’t like it either.

It’s a backwards kind of world when on one hand, there are people demanding acceptance while shaming with the other. Breastfeeding is absolutely best and no woman should ever feel ashamed about it. On the other hand, a woman should never have to feel ashamed about bottle feeding her child. Let’s strive to erase the shame around breastfeeding AND support women who are incapable or find it difficult to their lifestyle. Shaming either group contributes to a society that scrutinizes women unfairly for their choices, and I think we as a group have been judged enough.