Not only is there Betty Beauty, to keep your pubes colorful (they even have “bridal blue” dye, in case your bush isn’t old, new or borrowed), there’s now Muff-So-Soft conditioner to make your bush soft and femme–the way a woman should be! Thanks to Harpyness reader Alana R. for the link—I had seen a FAILblog-linked post on Jezebel with a picture of Muff-So-Soft, but wasn’t aware that it was actually available for purchase.

Alana commented: “Obviously this is the usual bullshit being marketed to make us insecure about things we shouldn’t be insecure about. And for the record, nearly every man I’ve ever been with needs Muff-So-Soft WAY more than I do.”

True dat. But I doubt the Cosmetic Industrial Complex has plans for a sweetly scented conditioner to tame the wiry man-bush.

It’s also worth noting that at $12 for a 2 oz. bottle, Muff-So-Soft costs three times as much per ounce as my favorite ultra-rich Aveda conditioner. So if you rock a lush lady-garden–or want to silken up your dude’s–why bother with Muff-So-Soft at all?