According to acting associate principal Dennis Kaczor, he received complaints about the shirts on June 2, at which point he asked the students to stop wearing the shirts. They refused, so he confiscated them. I’m curious to know the nature of the alleged complaints. The article doesn’t say whether Mosinee High School requires uniforms, or what sort of dress code it enforces, but I’m also curious how many kids have gotten away with “Sexy bitch!” t-shirts and t-shirts glorifying misogyny and sexual predation.

Each shirt read “Stop abuse” on the front and included a different sexual abuse statistic on the back. The students were incredibly brave to speak out in this manner, and their voices have been silenced.

Guidance counselor Joe Prillwitz thinks the students went about their activism all wrong.

“I asked them to get permission from administration and to be sensitive of others’ feelings and they did not do that. It was more like a crusade,” Prillwitz said. “Sexual Assault Awareness Month is in April. Why didn’t they choose to do this stuff then?”

Dog forbid any child go on a crusade against sexual abuse during one of the other 11 months of the year. They must have been up to something fishy.

“I’m all for educating students on this topic, but I think it should be done during the month of awareness using pamphlets and fliers from an established organization. That would add some substance to the cause,” Kaczor said.

:sputters incoherently:

The sentiments expressed by Kaczor and Prillwitz are so offensive I don’t know where to begin. Sexual abuse doesn’t stop from May through March, and I’m sure some of the children at the school could verify that from experience. Creative peer-education might have a greater impact than whatever pamphlets and fliers authority figures approved.

I support you, Samantha and friends, and I hope you won’t give up.

Word.

In The Atlantic, Sady Doyle dissected Caitlin Flanagan’s recent piece on teenage romance, observing that

[B]oys aren’t treating girls badly because they have sex; they’re treating them badly because we live in a culture that encourages disrespect toward girls. A man who dislikes women as a group does not change simply because he becomes intimate with one particular woman, and telling girls that love is the key to ending a man’s hurtful behavior plays into many of the most pernicious myths about abuse.

A 2005 survey revealed that one quarter of girls who have been in relationships reported that their boyfriends had pressured them to have sex they didn’t want. Thirteen percent said they had been physically abused by boyfriends. The feedback in the comments? Girls need to take responsibility for themselves. Girls need to have higher self-esteem.

Gee, if it weren’t for defective girls, teen dating violence would not be an issue. Victim-blaming is as old as dirt, of course, but a self-esteem boost is not the cure for gender oppression (or any oppression, for that matter).

Earlier, Jezebel covered the recently released Kendra Wilkinson “sex” tape. It’s considered a sex tape rather than a rape tape because bullying an unwilling woman for access to her body is totally normalized. In the comments, woman after woman sympathized with Kendra and told stories of similar experiences. Meanwhile, other people lamented that girls just don’t have enough self-esteem. If only girls wouldn’t put up with such treatment. If only they said “no” just one more time, if they said “no” louder, men wouldn’t rape them. We can’t expect men and boys to respect girls and women who haven’t overcome the “low self-esteem” resulting from a lifetime of sexist programming.

Queengeorge wrote a really wonderful post on this, concluding

It’s wonderful to teach girls the importance of confidence. But all of the confidence in the world won’t stop abusers. That isn’t how it works. And putting out the message that “self esteem” and a good upbringing are the things that will stop abuse – well, that’s just plain wrong. More than that, though, it sends abused women the message that if they’d only loved themselves a little more they never would have gotten hurt. And as a woman who loves herself quite a lot, I’m pretty sure that just isn’t true.

And I’ll leave it at that.

*trigger warning*

The woman claims Settles was fully dressed when she arrived but after coming out of the bathroom, where she had changed into her “outfit,” she alleges Settles was standing completely naked with his government issued air marshal badge hanging from his neck and a gun in one hand. He then, allegedly, said “U.S. Marshal, you have to do what I tell you.” The woman told police she began to cry and Settles instructed her to get on the bed where he held her down, pushing on her chest, as he raped her for about 10 minutes, wearing a condom, with the gun next to her on the bed.

Afterwards, the woman says Settles told her to put her clothes back on and give him back the $180. She says he then put a handcuff on her and made a phone call to his “sergeant.” She heard him say on the phone, “OK, you want me to let this one go?” He then let her leave.

The woman was very brave to report the incident immediately. I’m sort of pleasantly surprised that law enforcement is taking her report seriously, especially because so many folks consider sex workers unrapeable, unreliable, and untrustworthy. And Settles is (or was) a respected and powerful member of society. Still, he is not on trial yet so we’ll see what happens then.

Settles initially denied having any sexual contact with the woman. After police told him the woman described his completely shaved privates, he admitted his pants were down at one point. He also admitted wearing his air marshal badge, but denied taking out his gun because, he said, it’s against air marshal policy to use a firearm after “drinking alcohol.” So the guy does have some standards of behavior.

“We are shocked that a law enforcement officer would be accused of a crime this serious,” said King County Sheriff spokesperson Sgt. John Urquhart.

:spittake:

Riiiiight.

The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) immediately terminated Settles–a probationary employee–for the “misconduct.”

Last week, Baltimore County Judge Darrell Russell married a domestic violence suspect and his alleged victim, at the suspect’s request. On the same day he was supposed to hear a criminal complaint against Frederick Wood, Russell granted the man’s wish to be married to his alleged victim. When Wood appeared in district court for trial on charges of assault, his lawyer asked for a postponement so the defendant could get married and come back to resolve the case. The lawyer said his client’s new wife would invoke marital privilege, which prevents a person from being required to testify against his or her spouse.

Russell excused the couple to drive to another town to get a marriage license. When they returned, Russell officiated their wedding that very afternoon. The criminal case resumed, and Wood’s new wife invoked her marital privilege. Russell acquitted Wood.

The judge’s parting comment to the defendant was, “Mr. Wood, I found you not guilty, so I can’t sentence you as a defendant in any crimes, but earlier today, I sentenced you to life married to her.” I’m glad the two could get some male bonding in before their busy day was over. Russell has since been reassigned to chambers work.

Mrs. Wood was held hostage in Judge Russell’s court. Russell knew Frederick Wood’s motive for getting married, and played right along. The woman told the officer who responded to her call that she thought Mr. Wood might try to kill her and that he had threatened to kill her and her children in the past. Still, Judge Russell explicitly sided with the alleged perpetrator and made it clear that he had no regard for the victim’s safety. The woman had no choice but to marry Wood. She obviously believed he posed a threat to her and her children. Judge Russell deserves much more than a reassignment.

Then there is the case of the Australian judge who has ruled that two young sisters must spend weekends with their sex offender father. Family Court Judge Robert Benjamin demonstrated a shocking ignorance of sex abuse by ruling that the girls “need some protection from (their father), particularly at night,” but that the chance of sexual abuse was “diminished when they are awake and alert.”

The father was convicted of three child pornography offenses in 2007, including filming images of child pornography on his computer and creating links and shortcuts to child porn sites. Additionally, the Family Court found the father had invited one his daughters into his bed and had “demonstrated affection toward her in a way that was, in all the circumstances, inappropriate for a child of that age.”

Benjamin said there must be a lock on the girls’ bedroom door for protection. The girls must share a room until the youngest (now eight) turns 14, “…so they can have the mutual support of one another.” He is knowingly placing these children in danger whilst putting the onus on them to protect one another. Benjamin also ruled that the father must have an “adult friend” stay with him when the girls sleep over. AN ADULT FRIEND. I’m sure he’ll keep the girls’ best interests at heart when he chooses his own chaperon.

The eldest girl has told counselors that she was afraid to stay overnight with her father. But what does a child’s comfort and safety matter when a man’s “rights” are at stake? In each of these cases, a man’s word, his desires, his freedom, have been privileged above the safety and autonomy of the women and/or girls in his path. This is your courtroom on patriarchy.

Finally, a judge in Ohio has ordered rape victims to submit to polygraphs. I will not even call the polygraph a “lie detector test,” because it does not accurately detect dishonesty. Cuyahoga Juvenile Court Judge Alison Floyd ordered polygraphs on four separate occasions after she found the defendants delinquent (guilty, in juvenile court). The legal grounds for doing this are anyone’s guess. The results would have no relevance to the cases, on which she had already ruled. The only reason to do such a thing is to send victims a message: We don’t really believe you.

All four teens refused the judge’s orders, and the mother of one girl said:

I believe even more damage was done by the judge letting the perpetrator know she was ordering the victim to take the polygraph. He apparently took this to mean the judge did not believe her and he used this to tell their peers that the judge did not believe her and was ordering her take a lie detector test.

Prosecutor Bill Mason’s office has filed briefs in two of the cases so far, asking Floyd to stop ordering rape victims to take polygraphs. At least someone in the system is standing up for those girls.

I guess what we’re hoping here is that this chat will raise some discussion about how and why making an assault even semi-public is so fraught with complications. After all, any discussion gets us closer to a solution.

*NOTE: Trigger warning for assault survivors. Although we don’t get graphic, we do each tell the general story about what happened to us.

Queen_George: When I was 22, fresh out of college, I moved from my family’s home in the DEEP South to Los Angeles. It was the first time I’d been that far away from my (fairly) protective parents. I loved it! And I took to it fairly quickly. I made great friends, and I was building a pretty solid life out there. I got my M.A. degree and was searching for jobs. And then, when I was 26, things kind of fell apart. I was date raped by a guy I knew through some of my academic connections. He was a colleague, essentially. I tried for a long time to convince myself that I was fine, that I’d get through it. And I was terrified of telling my family… but not for the reasons that you usually hear. Most of the time when girls are afraid to tell their parents, it’s because they’re worried about shaming or blaming…

ImTheMarigold: I didn’t want to tell either, but for the usual stuff…

Queen_George: And I can completely understand the usual reasons. There are still PLENTY of friends of mine who don’t know, because of the usual reasons. Even my roommate at the time said she had trouble getting over her idea that “rape” = “guy in the bushes with a knife.” In my case, though, with my family, it was because I was afraid that my extremely protective parents would blame themselves, somehow. And that’s what got me to thinking about this topic.

It was probably about two months before I told them. I was trying really hard to keep it together, but one day I was riding the bus to work and I looked down at myself and realized my whole body was shaking. People on the bus were staring at me. And when we got to my stop, I realized I couldn’t get off the bus. I just sat there and rode the whole route, all the way back to my apartment. And I realized that for weeks I’d been having this overwhelming feeling that I wasn’t safe ANYWHERE. When the phone rang at work (I was a marketing assistant, so lots of phone calls), I’d jump 50 feet in the air. I couldn’t handle it anymore. So I called my mom and told her what happened, and told her I needed to come home. Right away.

Did you eventually tell your parents?

ImTheMarigold: My mom first, after I moved home for 6 months from college – allegedly to intern but really to get away. I told my dad once I ended up in the psych ward for a week because I was going to kill myself.

Queen_George: I’m so sorry. It’s amazing how powerful that urge to keep it inside can be. And the idea that “I can handle it. I don’t need help.” Or that you HAVE to handle it without help, because you have no other choice.

ImTheMarigold: [And sometimes people's reactions make you wish you'd kept it inside.] I remember when I was in the hospital and my parents went out to dinner with my former roommate to talk to her about this, and they told her why I was there and her words were “I didn’t know that was still bothering her.” Like, WHAT? For me, when you tell, it’s like giving a piece of yourself away. And you can’t get it back. So if you make a mistake in judgment with that person, they walk away with that part of you forever.

Queen_George: That’s a great way of putting it. When it happens, it’s such a life-changing experience, no matter how you handle it. My mom immediately said, without question, “I’m coming to get you. I’ll drive the car so we can pack all your stuff. I can be there in three days.” She was VERY good about it, way better than I expected. She didn’t blame herself at all, or me, even though she’s the one that I had expected to be self-blaming – like she never should’ve “let me” go away. It turned out that my dad was the one who had trouble. At first, when they came out to California to get me, he was great. He didn’t really address it much directly, but he was a huge help with the moving, and he made me laugh the way he’s always been good at doing. One day after I was home, though, I came into the kitchen and he just started yelling at me. It was about something totally inconsequential – leaving out some dirty dishes or something. A thing that never would’ve bothered him before. My mom said he was just in a mood, but that night he came and knocked on the door to my room and told me how sorry he was. He said, “I’ve just realized… I don’t know how to handle this. I don’t know what to say to you. I can’t make this better. And I don’t know what to do.”

ImTheMarigold: God, is it the worst for you with dad? It is for me. Even now, as I struggle with stuff, every time he sees me he hugs me and his eyes tear up.

Queen_George: Definitely. I have a hard time keeping him in the loop, actually. Even though I know he wants to help… I just can’t handle the fact that I know he sees me as a sort of “marked” person now.

ImTheMarigold: My mom is the one that handles the business when I fall apart; my dad just sits in the background and says he loves me and wishes he knew what to do. I know how much it kills him. That is why I never wanted to tell him. I know something inside him broke when he found out. My mom is just a fortress of strength; if she hurts, I don’t know it. She keeps me as a priority and I’m guessing she just lets it out when she’s alone or at home with my dad.

Queen_George: It’s so interesting to find out that things were the same for you. Because that really reinforces for me the question that always lingers in my head: How are we ever supposed to make progress for rape survivors if the BAD guys are the rapists and the GOOD guys (like our dads) are so overcome by the actual fact of rape – by the reality of it – that they fall apart around it. That’s the thing for me: I realized that my mom, as a woman, seems to have this inherent awareness that rape is something real and tangible that happens to people. But my dad (and my brother, who is 6 years my junior) seemed to be so shocked by the fact that this was something real that happens to actual people. I don’t know what to do about that. And it makes me think we need a lot more survivors who are willing to speak out… but then again, should it really have to be our responsibility to tell Teh Menz: “Hey, are you aware that this happens? And it doesn’t just happen to women you’ve never met. It happens to your daughters, your wives, your friends, your sisters. It happens to actual, living breathing women – not just abstractions.”

ImTheMarigold: Exactly! I think some of it is the image of the stranger in the bushes, and some of it is their inability to recognize us as sexual people. Little sisters, daughters, moms – those people don’t have sex. Honestly, to this day, I have no idea if my sister knows. I never told her and I can’t remember if I gave my parents the OK to tell her. So all the ensuing problems I’ve had get more complicated by that. Do I tell her I’m just ‘sick” when my parents need to drive from NY to DC again because I lost it?

Queen_George: You know, I think in some ways that’s what’s so hard for people like my dad: What they want is for it to be just erased somehow. And you just can’t erase it. It’s always there, and I think sometimes it’s even harder for THEM to accommodate that than it is for me. Like, “I didn’t bring this thing in the house. Who dragged this dirt in?”

ImTheMarigold: And the person you were before is just gone. They can’t accept that you aren’t who they used to know although you still look exactly the same. Like a Cylon version of your old self. Has your family ever lied to other people on your behalf about what happened to you, why you moved back or anything else that might generate questions?

Queen_George: Oh definitely. Almost nobody knows why I came back. Which is sometimes hard because I think a lot of my family members read it as “Maximum FAIL”, like I just couldn’t handle being an adult or out on my own or something. And that makes me angry. But at the same time, I know I don’t have to justify myself to them… so it’s weird.

ImTheMarigold: My parents never told my grandparents. The hospital time, when I have anxiety attacks and they have to come stay with me, I’m just “sick.”

Queen_George: Yeah, I’m “sick” a lot too, or “out of town.”

ImTheMarigold: Makes you feel like a liar.

Queen_George: Right. Even though we don’t OWE anybody the truth. Communication surrounding assault is ALWAYS fraught: you’re damned if you tell, damned if you don’t.

ImTheMarigold: There are always consequences, and you get burned no matter what you do.

Queen_George: Which seems so unfair – it’s another one of those situations where survivors are punished just by virtue of being survivors; being outright honest and having that honesty accepted is so rarely an option; you either become marked or a liar by default.

So I have a question for you about communication. You mentioned a boyfriend. How much do you tell him, and how does he handle it? (I ask because I had one who basically did not handle it at all, and I’m still trying to get a grasp on how to Talk to Dudes or Ladies I’m Dating about the subject).

ImTheMarigold: He knows pretty much everything. If I remember correctly, I told him the whole story the same night we had our first kiss. We met about 1.5 years after the assault, about 6 months after I got out of the hospital. We haven’t ever really talked about what he thinks about it or how he feels about it.

Queen_George: But he lets you talk about it if you need to?

ImTheMarigold: He does, though I really don’t do it very often. It’s weird, but he is almost the last person I’d want to talk about it with.

Queen_George: It’s definitely awkward talking to the person you’re in a relationship with about it. I had that experience too, although it sounds like your guy has been much better about it than my ex.

But yeah, I always felt weird talking to him about it – as though I was putting extra burden on him or asking too much

ImTheMarigold: That, and exposing something really raw and personal. Especially since it could totally change how they see you.

Queen_George: Right. Because you know it’s already kind of changed how you see yourself.

ImTheMarigold: Even though it might help them understand more about the ways you act and communicate in your relationship. Another risk.

Queen_George: That was sort of the problem I had – the way it changed my behavior. My ex and I started dating about 5 months after my assault (probably too soon, I now tell myself). The first night we kissed I told him – much like you did. And he was very understanding, listened to my story and told me he would always be willing to listen if I needed to talk. I was so overcome with the fact that he didn’t shame me or change his view of me. But as we started dating, he had a LOT of trouble understanding that certain actions were just going to be triggers for me. It’s sort of hard to explain. But basically, ironically, he decided to treat me as though nothing had ever happened – which might’ve been what I thought I wanted, but which turned out to be a very bad thing. Because if I wasn’t in the mood or something one night, he’d push a bit. And that was very triggering. It made me sad and angry and frustrated, and I didn’t understand why HE didn’t understand… I don’t know…

ImTheMarigold: Either not wanting to acknowledge your experience or feeling like they are being forced to change who they are…

Queen_George: Right. I mean, he’s probably not a very good example in that he turned out to be not a very sensitive dude in general.

So what I guess we’ve realized here is that it’s hard to talk to ANYONE about this, except others with the same experience.

You know how there’s a lot of conversation in feminism about how a marginalised person IS NOT RESPONSIBLE for teaching or educating the privileged about their experiences? I wish I could get myself to remember that the same could be true for assault victims/survivors. I shouldn’t have to explain myself to people. If I find certain things triggering, or if there are times when I have a panic attack or I just need to cry, I shouldn’t be required to explain or excuse myself. But it doesn’t feel that way. It feels like it’s up to us to educate the whole damn world.

ImTheMarigold: And each person’s experience isn’t representative of survivors as a whole.

Queen_George: Definitely. Like once I was talking to this other girl about her experience, and she kept reminding me over and over that “I said no. I said no.” And we ended up arguing about how even if someone doesn’t outright SAY “no,” that doesn’t mean their experience was any less valid. So we ended up arguing with each other rather than offering the support we so desperately needed.

ImTheMarigold: “Saying no” gets us wrapped up in the legal mumbo jumbo, when at the end of the day all that matters is what we feel happened. And if we feel it was rape, it was. Law be damned.

The law is the last place anyone should look to for vaildation.

Queen_George: Right. So we only have the option of validating each other – which means we really need to listen to one another’s voices.

ImTheMarigold: Which can be hard, only because we’ve struggled to be heard so long that we can shout at each other, without meaning to. And that is something feminism knows something about.

Queen_George: And because patriarchy sort of pits us against each other. It tells us that some of our experiences are more valid than others. If it weren’t for all the shamers out there, I doubt that girl and I ever would have argued, so I think a lot of this really does come back to communication. It’s hard to carve out a space for yourself to tell a story like this.

ImTheMarigold: At the end of the day, it isn’t a story that wants to be heard. It isn’t being told for the benefit of the audience, rather the storyteller. And what is the point of hearing a story if you aren’t getting something out of it yourself?

Queen_George: Oh! That’s a perfect way to put it – that it “isn’t a story that wants to be heard.” I think that brings us around full circle to where we started – with the idea that the story is basically an impossible one to tell. I think we’re made to believe very often that our personal experiences are not valid unless they provide someone else with entertainment or, like you said, some kind of lesson or something.

ImTheMarigold: I just want to be heard.

Queen_George: Me too. I want to be given my chance to tell it, and I often feel like I don’t even get that.

GOLD STAR for Reader A

We occasionally get emails from readers about the sexist stuff they’ve encountered in their lives, with questions like “Did I do something wrong here?”  or “What the eff is wrong with people?”  I just got one last night, and I really wanted to address it, because I know it’s going to seem familiar to lots of harpies.

The reader in question had the misfortune of dealing with a male peer and co-member of a college group dedicated to supporting safe sex on campus who thought that smart-ass remarks about drugging women to avoid that whole sticky “consent” issue were Big Larfs.

To Reader A:  I’m sorry you had to deal with the Rape Joke Posse, and that the president of your org didn’t have your back.  I  think you did exactly the right thing.  Any guy who repeatedly defends his right to make rape jokes is NOT an ally, and calling out hateful behavior–especially in a calm, reasoned way, as you did–is praiseworthy.  And really freakin’ hard to do. Regardless of what you said to that weasel and his bros, or how you said it, you were going to make them really uncomfortable, and they were going to respond with chest-puffery and DOOD! hi-fives.

And taking the matter to your president was right, too, even though I think she dropped the ball.  She may have had her reasons, but given your organization’s mission, I feel like you (and she, and all members) are obligated to shut crap like that down toot-sweet:  how can one advocate for reproductive rights–that is, for control over one’s own body–if one turns around and makes light of taking that right away from women, by advocating the use of drugs to rape them?  Safe sex doesn’t just mean using a condom.  That dude is a hypocrite, and horrible little shit. Self-proclaimed feminists do not joke about raping women, or anyone.

So, your question “when is it okay to Be A Bitch?”  As often as you can stomach it.  Let me say it again:  You. Were. Right. You did the right thing. You might feel horrible about the whole thing, and downtrodden, and devalued, and I don’t blame you if you feel like throwing up your hands now and again.  But Being a Bitch was the right and brave thing to do.

You said that your group had a conversation about how to handle this, and split between “Being a Bitch is Important” and “Don’t Make Feminists Look So Bad by Being a Bitch.”  You know what camp I’m in.  Yours. I don’t know if anything else comes of this episode, but if it does, I hope you’re able to rally and wave that Bitch Flag again.

A, I’m sure you’re not the only one of our readers who has dealt with this sort of thing.  Readers, if this is all too familiar to you, can you let us know what you did, and how it turned out?  And can we get some  Bitch Love up in here, or what?

After reading about this yesterday, I began thinking about all the times I’ve done things that supposedly “invited” rape but, miraculously, was not raped. I do feel lucky that I’ve never been raped, considering how many times I’ve allowed myself to be alone with boys and men: my father, my brother, uncles, cousins, grandfathers, neighbors, boyfriends, potential boyfriends, boys I’ve kissed at parties, study buddies, co-workers, cab drivers and others. According to a lot of people, I’ve lived a life of danger!

During my freshman year of college I met a guy. That summer, he drove to visit me at home whilst my parents were on vacation (they didn’t know). We had a good time. We slept in my bed together, though I never had sex with him. He had a huge window of opportunity to rape me but he never did.

When I studied abroad in Sydney I went out a lot. I went to bars with my friends and chatted with young men. One time I even agreed to leave the bar and go for a walk with one. Looking back, I think, damn, that could have ended really badly. But it didn’t. He didn’t rape me.

I spent a lot of time alone with my now-boyfriend when we were teenagers. I got into his car and let him drive me places. I drove him places. I went to dances with him. I hung out at his house after our other friends had gone home. He never raped me. And as college students in the beginning of our relationship, I visited him at school. He visited me at school. We had consensual sex and slept in bed together. He never raped me.

The reason I haven’t been raped is not that I’ve followed some impossible Good Girl script that supposedly lowered my risk. It’s not because of something I did or didn’t do. It’s because the men I’ve spent time with have not been rapists. There was no way for me to know that by looking at them. It’s just the way it is. I suppose the commenters on Cara’s and Amanda’s articles would say these men are defective because everyone knows that, given the chance, men will rape women, especially if said women are foolish enough to express interest in them and trust them. That’s nonsense and it needs to be called out.

So many of society’s messages regarding abuse are aimed at the victims: This is how you should act. This is what you should do. And I am not directing this complaint at Mo’Nique specifically. I don’t think it’s fair to put yet another expectation on abuse victims when the content of their confessions are so often swept under the rug, denied, or ignored. People’s reactions to revelations of molestation can cause victims more pain and suffering than the initial abuse.

I am not saying, “Don’t tell;” I don’t believe that. I think “Tell” is incomplete. In a rape culture, “telling” often leads to revictimization. It leads to parents siding with the family friend who raped you. It leads to questions about what you could have done to invite that sort of touching. It leads to commands to just get over it already. It leads to the same bullshit adult rape victims deal with when they report their attacks.

No, terrible things are not inevitable. One could argue that telling is necessarily cathartic and healing regardless of the listener’s reaction. Victims can use their discretion if they expect certain people to react poorly, and they can tell as much or as little as they want. Telling a therapist can be especially helpful. But overall, the cracks are with the adults. It’s the adults who need to be taught how to handle it when loved ones “come out,” so to speak. Kids need to hear, “Tell,” but adults need to hear, “Listen.”

Uniban then expelled Arruda. Oddly, the university took out an ad in Sao Paolo newspapers Sunday titled “Educational Responsibility – Education Is Made With Attitude Not Complacency,” explaining that Arruda’s dress and actions provoked “a collective reaction in defense of the school environment.”

And what school environment would that be? One wherein students are permitted to threaten another student with rape, apparently. The school’s lawyer Josias de Souza blamed Arruda for the harassment, saying, “she always liked to provoke boys, the problem was not with her clothes, but the way she acts, talks, crosses her legs, and walks.”

The way she crosses her legs.

The incident has made international news. The local stations in DC are covering it, framing the story as one in which “a woman wearing a short skirt caused a riot.” Not one in which a mob whips itself into a violent frenzy over a woman’s perceived transgression, mind you. A rebellious jezebel caused trouble in Brazil. How wacky.

UPDATE: Thanks to reader Eggfulaura for letting us know Arruda has recently been readmitted.

Lynn Hecht Schafran and Jillian Weinberger of Legal Momentum point specifically to two reports: Crime Against Persons with Disabilities, 2007, and Female Victims of Violence, 2008, and explain the problems with their methodologies.

According to BJS, 182,000 rapes were committed against women in 2008. Dr. Dean Kilpatrick and his colleagues concluded that over one million women were raped in the U.S. in 2006. One million is obviously much higher than 182,000. That gap is the result of differences in methodology between the NCVS and the Kilpatrick study. Say Schafran and Weinberger:

The NCVS asks directly whether the respondent has been subjected to “[a]ny rape, attempted or other type of sexual attack” rather than asking behaviorally-based questions that do not label the victim’s experience. The National Women’s Study, in contrast, asks behaviorally-based questions like, “Has anyone ever made you have anal sex by using force or threat of harm? Just so there is no mistake, by anal sex we mean that a man or boy put his penis in your anus.” It is essential to ask behaviorally-based questions because victims often do not put the label “rape” or “sexual assault” on their experience, especially when the perpetrator is someone they know, as is the case in the significant majority of rapes.

Only 16 percent of all rapes were reported to law enforcement in 2006, according to Kilpatrick’s findings, not 47 percent as reported by BJS. Government reports severely underestimate the scope of sexual violence against women and overestimate the rate at which women report their attacks to police.

And, as Schafran and Weinberger point out, they underestimate the incidences of sexual violence committed against people with disabilities. Methodological problems are to blame in this case, as well. Crime Against Persons with Disabilities did not count people with disabilities living in institutional settings, for instance, but that information only appears at the very end of the report.

The BJS needs to update its methodology in order to yield accurate data about sexual violence. In the meantime, spread the news about these findings and keep Legal Momentum’s list of questions in mind when reading studies and surveys about rape and sexual assault. Abyss2hope has more.